Now Captain Morgan was a pirate dude

He used to jack motherfuckers and act real rude

As a real live person he wasn’t much fun

But he sure made a fine ass bottle of rum

OPM

I get distracted too easily. I was actually reading a piece claiming the Iraqi adventure is just a twenty first century version of good old English enlightened Empire building, done by the USA. It’s right, I guess, in some ways. Empire was all about making the boys back home rich and forcing their worldview upon the natives. It was succesful for a while, despite being punctuated by violent uprisings and the eventual need to give the bits back to the people we took them off. Nowadays, though, the oppressed natives can export their violence to the place they see as the root of their oppression. When the US’s overseas empire collapses I doubt they’ll even be defending windswept Atlantic islands

Who needs a yacht when, for $8,000 a day, you can rent the world’s smallest nuclear sub. Not as many creature comforts, but you can go treasure hunting.

Gim had been testing the door and frame, trying to find weak points by judging tiny variations in flex. He stopped, closed his eyes and cocked his head. �It�s very busy out there. Time to go.�

�You�re certain?� Sheel was straightening her arm and making a fist. Her right elbow locked as she paced back and forth before the door.

�Activity peaked and is starting to settle down again. Though it�s still very busy and they probably won�t notice us.� Gim pointed to the exact point he wanted Sheel to fire at, which would hopefully destroy the door�s lock.

�And we�ll be able to find our way out of here?�

�I memorised every step of the way from the moment we came aboard. And I have data on these old propeller planes, so I�ll be able to fly one. Probably.�

�Okay. We go.� Sheel raised her locked arm. Gim wisely removed his finger and stepped back.

Sheel rocked back on her feet and there was the crack of a small sonic boom. The flat-headed projectile expanded so fast it vapourised, taking most of the lock mechanism with it. The door swung open.

�Ladies first.� Gim offered.

�You�re only saying that because I�ve got the gun.�

Scary possibilities, and plots, abound when you read about some of the schemes planned to build Universal Soldiers for real.

Someone should really start a Howells – watch, tracking the wild and wacky world inside the Culture Minister’s head. After modern art and rap music, he has now decided that video games are the root cause of the decline of civilisation. The argument, once you get past the headline grabbing, is pretty wishy washy. He hates these games and films, but he isn’t calling for censorship, they’re not going to make anyone go out and kill, they’re just not nice. And he’s concerned by what his kids see and play, but the sort of game he’s on about has an age recommendation so maybe he’s being a bad parent. Anyway, as Brian bought me Vice City for my birthday and I spent most of yesterday playing it, I would disagree wouldn’t I?

Well, well, it is a pleasure to be back in the office for a long day of shananigans. First and foremost to get into the week, take on Sid the Spammer and show him how it feels to lose. SPAMWARS is here. After Spamming away, you must feel a bit insecure knowing only how to swear in your native tongue, so why not practice in 51 languages.

I did a little bit of searching the web for old friends using google, and I must admit that it is pretty sad 7 out of 9 people were listed either through work, charitable or social contributions. Another favourite, www.googlism.com filters content to tell you who/what/where it is. Just try it.

Not that my IT firm pays well, but we have been busy admiring the yacht rental market. I really would like to get a 70′ yacht with captain, crew and chef one day just for the fun of it. The prices aren’t too bad, I mean can you really go wrong for three grand (US) a day? If you need some items to take with Ross-Simons is the way to go. I mean a gold plated toilet brush isn’t just for the wealthy these days.

I won’t pretend that it was painless, but the ride to work was certainly less painful than I’d expected. The little bastard in my gut didn’t stop complaining until I was the other side of Northenden and the weather was ick, but I made it without collapsing. Statistics: Distance- 7.89 miles, average (rolling) speed- 10.3 mph, average actual speed, I don’t know, because I can’t remember exactly when I set off, but with all the traffic lights and stopping to blow the tyres up I’d guess about 8 mph.

Good Idea- Cycling to work. It’s cheap, healthy and should be quicker.

Bad Idea- Cycling to work after being off your bike for nearly four months.

I shall report on my state later.