The Chair of DEATH

I can breathe! I like breathing, it’s one of the things that separates me from dead people. As part of the house move we went through the time honoured tradition of trying to beg, borrow or steal furniture. Daz’s parents came through, with a big ugly comfy chair for slouching and watching the TV. Except, well, it was a smoker’s chair and the stale fag smell has permeated to its very core (oh, okay, I exaggerate, but I wanted to use the word ‘permeated’ in a post). Within less than five minutes of sitting in the chair my throat started to constrict and I was wheezing. It got a lot worse when I went to bed, with the wheeze progressing to painful hacking coughs and a horrible death rattle/ water on the lungs noise when I tried to breathe. I was beginning to worry that, should I be able to fall asleep, mucus would flood my lungs and I’d never wake. That didn’t happen, but it wasn’t pleasant. The chair is going to be Febreze’d, vac’d and beaten into submission.

Thanks are also due to Alan and Steph for equipment and muscle loaned during the move. Sadly, not even a Vax could lift the stains on the carpet, but I did manage to keep a straight face when the nice lady from the agency said I had obviously looked after the house.

Plans to Puce up the website are on hold, due to my not knowing just what colour Puce is.

It’s good to see the SUA moderating its demands, John has agreed that he doesn’t really need a jacuzzi and he’ll just fart in the bath like everyone else. However, I feel I have to return with a few minor counter demands if this site is to be unionised.

-Spelling and grammar. That means you , Mr. O. Your ‘president’ has problems with the English language, but you’re better than him, so check before you post.

-Help with the Mozilla thing. It’s tables! Surely they are one of the simplest pieces of HTML going. Please don’t tell me Microsoft have screwed with tables.

-A floor to sleep on come Edinburgh Festival and/ or Hogmanay.

-Use of the swivel chair in all future negotiations.

I’m not a masochist, just too damn lazy to go and find another supplier for my broadband.


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