Anti Ian and Uber Ian

I’ve been receiving relationship advice from other members of Spinneyhead.
Brian’s was most succinct, quoting Yoda in a comment he simply states- “Do, or do not. There is no try.”
Daz weighed in with “You’ll never know if you never try.” and “Why don’t you just call up [insert name of current crush here] and ask her out?” He’d make a good mother. (He’s known me for long enough to realise the futility of using that argument on me, but still he tries. He’d make a very good mother.)
John’s advice is the most intriguing. He thinks I should start channeling anti-Ian, who won’t be so shy or crap. Anti-Ian would be unreliable, lie and probably cheat. But he would get laid.
The problem is, the best time to channel this alternative persona is whilst drunk. When I’m drunk I turn into Uber-Ian, who is a sort of hyperactive version of everyday Ian. If you want to have a conversation about whether sheep or goats would make better skiers (goats, because sheep are too dumb to be able to handle fakie moves), U-I’s your man, but if you want me to chat you up, you’re right out of luck.
Alternatively, he has offered the loan of his nephew, because babies are total chick magnets.
Emily has told me some of her friends used to fancy me. But that was several years ago, if she’d wanted to be useful she should have told me then.