Why does Word think that it knows, within my typing of two words, exactly what format I want my document laid out in? Did someone at Redmond set up the Marvel comic script template? Did they? No? Well stop pissing me off you stupid, stupid piece of software and do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you!
I think it’s time for OpenOffice.
Some people believe there is nothing such as luck, but for one man his life has been full of lucky incidences. You could say he has had as much bad luck as he has had good but hey that’s life.
So here is the story:
A Croatian dubbed the world’s luckiest man after surviving seven major disasters has won the jackpot with his first lottery ticket in 40 years.
Frane Selak, 74, who has won �600,000, said: “I am going to enjoy my life now – I feel like I have been reborn. I know God was watching over me all these years.”
His first lucky escape came in 1962 when a train he was travelling on from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik jumped the rails and plunged into an icy river.
Seventeen people drowned and he barely made it to the riverbank suffering from hypothermia, shock, bruises and a broken arm. A year later, he was thrown out of a DC-8 airplane between Zagreb and Rijeka when a door flew open. This time 19 people died but Mr Selak landed in a haystack and escaped with cuts, bruises and shock.
In 1966, a bus he was travelling on in Split lurched into a river, killing four. He swam to safety with cuts, bruises and even more shock.
Accident number four was in 1970 when his car caught fire as he drove along a motorway and he managed to get out with seconds to spare before the fuel tank exploded. His friends began to call him Lucky and he said: “You could look at it two ways. I was either the world’s unluckiest man or the luckiest. I preferred to believe the latter.”
Three years later, he lost most of his hair when a faulty fuel pump spewed petrol over the hot engine of his Wartburg car and blew flames through the air vents.
In 1995 came his sixth accident when he was knocked down by a bus in Zagreb but sustained only minor injuries – plus the inevitable shock The following year, he was driving in the mountains when he turned a corner to see a UN truck coming straight for him.
His Skoda car crashed through the barrier and over the edge but Mr Salek managed to jump out at the last minute and landed in a tree to see his car explode 300ft below him.
He has also had four failed marriages and, after his lottery win, commented: “I suppose my marriages were disasters too!” But he is now buying a house, a car, a speedboat and is planning to marry his girlfriend who is 20 years his junior.
Also in News:
The Ann Summers Chain won its claim to be allowed to be advertised in job centres as it managed to shed the image of being part of the sex industry.
I just stuck a bunch of 2000AD comics and specials up on eBay (list here) When I get round to selling all the Best of…. mags I’ll have to re-read Halo Jones. That’s the problem with letting your comics go, you just have to flip through and check out a strip or two. And before you know it, the afternoon’s gone.
29 emails this moring. 27 of them were spam, the remaining 2 newsletters I’ve signed up to but stopped reading. This isn’t absolutely indicative of my inbox, as everyone who regularly mails me is operating on Greenwich Mean Time so my overnights are chock full of junk. SpamPal catches the crap most of the time and now those altruistic folks at Microsoft are taking spammers to court.