Rules of the road

A woman’s guide to cycling.

Local governments tell feeble lies

All local councils claim to want to encourage cycling. They read in a book somewhere that this is what you ought to say once you ascend into local office, like, “I’ve lived in this community all my life, and have a real commitment to the area.” To this end, they put out measly leaflets telling you pig-obvious things like, “Avoid getting trapped between two articulated lorries.” If you didn’t know that, you’d already be dead.

The truth is, they hate cyclists with a passion. That’s the only way you can possibly explain all the things they do to endanger us, like inventing giant buses that bend in the middle, and laughingly encouraging us on to cycle paths so badly maintained they look like a trap set by Wile E Coyote. When you hear anything from any official on this matter, never forget they lie. They lie, they lie, they lie. It’s even possible that Steven Norris is lying about the helmets.

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A social observation

The kind of person who routinely prefixes “cyclist” with “kamikaze” is exactly the kind of person who prefixes “asylum seeker” with “bogus”

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