Originally uploaded by spinneyhead.
I’ve been thinking so much about the music of the early nineties whilst going back to Ruby Red that the cover’s destined to have a vinyl theme to it. I’ll try one or two more ideas out and then ask you to vote on them.
First up- the Inspiral Carpets.
Considering the banner design challenge ended ages ago, I really should have posted these sooner. I just found a few of the entries-
What do you think? Should one of these make it to the prestigious head of the page?
You may have noticed an addition to the rotating banners at the top of the page, spinneyhead street-
It, and Bir Milyon-
are making the older banners look a little staid. So it’s time for a competition.
Design Spinneyhead a new banner. There are five spaces to fill, replacing the gifs that are simply different fonts. Prizes are exotic and Spinneyhead related (ie, I found them in the cupboard). They include a 1 million Turkish Lira note and one of Bad Clanger’s concubines. It would have been BC himself, but there was much gnashing of teeth, mostly on my ankle, so I relented. Other prizes to be announced.
The banner can be gif or jpeg. It should be 400 pixels wide and no more than 100 tall. Competition closes on September 13th. Get designing.
I had so much fun collecting sex toy suggestions the first time that I did it again at the pub quiz on Tuesday. Collated from the two lists, what follows are the criteria I shall be working to as I take my designs forward and a few early thoughts-
This stands to reason. Of course, if it’s really effective, it’ll have to come with a gag to keep it silent.
1 battery/ rechargeable
I’m thinking phone charger. Almost everyone has a spare Nokia charger.
Several different finishes have been suggested. I have plans to allow for all of them (see below)
I’m not sure what this meant, but I’d assume thrusting as well as vibrating.
It increases the complexity but I was considering, and it has been suggested, some sort of remote control. Properly done, this could allow for use in either hand.
Again, this should go without saying. Control should allow for multiple speeds and strengths of vibration. (A friend of mine once had access to industrial vibration testing equipment and used it to find the optimum frequency range- 40 to 50 herz- for herself. I always thought it was 60Hz, but everyone’s different, which is why we need a wide band of speeds.)
In much the same way as you could get new skins for mobiles Mr. Pattinson’s Patented Pussy Pleaser (working name) could have its shell changed. This would not just be for looks but could also vary the stimulation on offer. Suggested skins include-
Character. Dirk Benedict was suggested. Given that faces would be caricatured and the nose greatly exaggerated so it could act as a G Spot stimulator, it would be tricky to negotiate the rights. I might have to create my own set of creatures.
Spiral. Very effective, so I’m told.
Veined. For the few who like that sort of thing. (One of the other criteria was ‘Not looking like a penis.’)
Beads. Bit of a technical challenge.
Go faster stripes. You can tell this suggestion was made by a bloke, can’t you?
Easy clean/ Dishwasher proof/ Freezer proof/ Water proof/ Bath proof
Programmable/ voice commands/ remote control/ Bluetooth enabled/ USB connection/ networkable/ Java enable/ upgradeable
You can tell some of these suggestions were made by geeks, can’t you? With programming and some sort of networking a community could be created to swap configuration files. ‘Download Hot ‘n Hard lover boy settings here!’ ‘DildoWorks 2.1 has just been released.’
And silent? I guess sounds could be optional, for those times when you know you really are alone and won’t be disturbed.
In the manner of those key rings that beep if you whistle for them.
Auto hide/ Dismantles into innocent looking components
Apparently there have been a few embarassing moments at airports.
Vibrates to music
It could light up as part of the Auto Find function. Or be the only source of light in the room- turn it on and off without even touching the switch.
It was also suggested it should taste and smell nice, which could be achieved through use of the right lubricant.
Girth and length. This could be done with the sleeves, but the vibration would be damped if they got too thick.
If you really want to be woken up that way…..
Because we don’t want to damage their fragile little egos do we? You’ll notice that all the design suggestions are slanted toward the ideal sex toy for a woman. I guess we blokes have always got the tried and tested Mrs. Palm.
Everyone who was canvassed would undoubtedly go out of their way to test this.
Well, I guess there could be a tongue shaped sleeve.
The list is still open to additions. Leave them in the comments.
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