A rumble from the past

As it’s relevant again, I repeat this important announcement from 2002-

Manchester Earthquake Appeal

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering “Fookin’ shaking, yow,” “Fook” and “Someone just twocked me ‘ouse”. The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £10 worth of damage. Subsequent to the seismic activity, some fireworks missed their intended human targets, causing damage to nearby historic and scientifically significant litter. It is estimated that, during the confusion, over £5 million worth of robbery-time was lost, damaging the Mancunian economy.

Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Manchester. One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17-year-old mother-of-three said, “It felt just like when that fookin’ Magic bus hit t’fookin’ ‘ouse. Little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom shouting “fook”. My youngest two, Liam-Noel and Kevin slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning.”

Apparently, though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Red Stripe to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including fireworks, burberry caps, benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.


This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: –

Adidas Tracksuit bottoms
White Socks
Shell Suits

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: –

Red Stripe

Mancunians have insisted to avoid problems “wit’ the fookin’ rozzers” they don’t need any more handouts but just wish to be able to “help themselves” in this difficult time, more than the just dole money they already claim (for five different people).

£10 can provide a hammer, which can be used to ‘twock’ grannies and back up shoplifting exploits, providing enough money to support a family of Scallys on McDonalds for the forseeable future.

£5 will provide a Mancunian with essential “E’s and Scag”.

22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.

If you can afford it, £120 buys a new pair of Nike Airs, justifying one Scally’s decision to tuck their tracksuit bottoms into their socks, and helping said individual avoid being caught while nicking said trainers from JD Sports.

Please do not send money directly to Mancunians, as there is a good chance they’ll come looking for you, realising in their primitive way, that where there is money to give away, there is great potential for robbery.

Please give generously.

Sammy Boyo esq

On behalf of the Manchester Earthquake Appeal Fund

It's the end of the W as we know it

George W performs It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn – world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o’clock – TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear!
A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it. can’t I have some time alone?
It’s the end of the world as we know it can’t I have some time alone? and I feel fine…fine…

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it. can’t I have some time alone?
It’s the end of the world as we know it can’t I have some time alone? and I feel fine…fine… (less)

Leonard Bernstein, Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane –
Lenny Burnside is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn –
world serves its own needs, don’t misserve your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for
hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the furies
breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it’ll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its
own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.

REM – It’s The End Of The World As We Know It

Tower of Doom

Taipei 101 in Taiwan is the world’s biggest building. The stress it exerts on the ground beneath it is believed to have caused two recent earthquakes and reopened an old fault line.

Before the construction of Taipei 101, the Taipei basin was a very stable area with no active earthquake faults at the surface. Its earthquake activity was similar to parts of the UK, with micro-earthquakes (less than magnitude 2) happening about once a year.However, once Taipei 101 started to rise from the ground, things changed. “The number of earthquakes increased to around two micro-earthquakes per year during the construction period (1997 to 2003).”Since the construction finished there have been two larger earthquakes (magnitude 3.8 and 3.2) directly beneath Taipei 101, which were big enough to feel,” says Dr Lin.

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Film Fan

We’ve been doing the Orange Wednesday thing for a while now, and it’s about time I reviewed some of the movies. These are the ones I can remember, with a couple of non-midweek ones thrown in for good measure.

Van Helsing– The first OW film we went to see, this one set a standard for the others to follow. A very low standard, but that’s life. CGI uber alles, with so many effects shots there was no actual excitement, no “cool stunt” moments. It did have Kate Beckinsale in a corset and leather trousers, but that just wasn’t enough.

Troy– I’ve never read The Iliad, so I couldn’t judge how much this was mangling history. Gorgeous to look at and with special effects properly used- the thousand ships got a “Cool” response rather than “Yeah, but they did it all with computers”. All in all it’s just as silly as the historical epics of the 50s and 60s only this time they have the ability to do the epic scope shots.

Connie and CarlaSome Like It Hot, only with transvestites. A competent comedy adventure in the traditional model. The gayness of the drag queens was mainstreamed a bit- camp but asexual.

Shaun of the Dead– Brilliant. This works on so many levels- geeky, very British, gory and hilarious. We need more movies like this and fewer Notting Hill Wedding, Actually type things.

Dawn of the Dead– The other zombie movie. Not bad, but surprisingly not as gory as Shaun and without the dark satire of the original. The end titles sequence is very effective and creepy in its own right.

Shrek 2– Definitely the film of the year. It deserves repeated viewings just to catch all the visual jokes and homages.

The Day After Tomorrow– A disater movie in the classic style. This does all the characters in extreme peril/ who’s going to die stuff you’d expect from Earthquake etc., though they can’t afford to be quite as all-star as ‘7os movies. Despite sounding ludicrous, the premise for the disaster is based upon an accepted scientific theory- that fresh water melting into the Atlantic would mess with the Gulf Stream and its warming effects on the Northern hemisphere.

Spider-Man 2– A top quality sequel. With characters rather than cardboard cut-outs and believable set ups for the fight sequences it’s possible to watch the obviously animated Spidey swinging between sky scrapers and really care.

King Arthur– Kiera Knightley in a leather bikini and, erm….. swords. Based on “the true story the legend is based on”, the film is full of gaping holes. The Saxons came ashore in Scotland- when Northumbria or even further south would have been more realistic- just so there could be a battle at Hadrian’s Wall. Then Arfur and his k-nigets open the gates and let the Germanic hordes through! What’s the point of having a great big wall if you’re going to do that. And don’t get us started on the accents.

Jersey Girl– Disappointing outing from Kevin Smith. He’s excellent at observation and there are lots of neat little details, but the film just doesn’t work as a whole. The supporting cast are all far better than Affleck’s unlikeable main character. It was brave to take this route after all the fart jokes, but I think Smith went too far into the earnest. Certainly, the rudest character- Liv Tyler’s cheeky, horny video store assistant- is the most interesting.

Donnie Darko– This film does make sense. Sort of. I can think of a few explanations of the plot, but to do so would give the ending away. Is it me, or does romantic lead Jena Malone look like Jodie Foster.

Fahrenheit 9/11– Not as powerful as Bowling for Columbine was for me. I think one of the problems was that little of this was new to me in the way stuff in BFC was. If this film was a revelation to American viewers, then the US media really is as bad, biased and inept as people say. Moore has promised the equivalent of a whole films worth of extra footage for the DVD. You have to hope that the film succeeds in its stated aim of toppling the Bush presidency.

I, Robot– Another example of sfx being used to support the story, rather than just because. A mish mash of Asimov’s robot stories with a plausible use of the Three Laws as a basis. It’s still mostly an excuse for a bunch of action sequences, but it does them well.

The Bourne Supremacy– One of those rare films these days that doesn’t rely on sfx for its action sequences. This takes the style of Bourne Identity and pumps it up. I’m looking forward to the third one already.

Catwoman– The film that toppled Van Helsing off it’s Worst of the Year spot. When you look at the special effects and think the PS2 is almost as good, in real time, then there’s something wrong.

The Chronicles Of Riddick– A passable attempt at space opera, with the fate of the universe hanging on the actions of a dangerous anti-hero. The film doesn’t aim low- it wants to be an epic. Whilst it doesn’t quite reach the heights it aspires to, it’s a damn good try.

I’m certain I’ve forgotten some films. If anyone would like to remind me I’ll add the reviews.

UpdateThe Terminal. It says something that I saw this film on Wednesday and forgot to put it in a list compiled on Sunday. Like Jersey Girl, this is a disappointing outing from this director with occasional bits that show how much better it could have been. For example, the most interesting subplot- Hanks as romantic go-between whilst trying to get his visa- is poorly handled, then dropped for half an hour before being hurriedly wrapped up. It’s just over two hours, but feels much longer.

Hits log time again-
Seeing as so many people come here looking for GTA3 skins, I thought I’d put in some links to sites that actually do them. Anime character GTA3 skins. (Lots of annoying pop ups.) A bunch of cool looking skins. I’ve downloaded some copies and might have a go at making some myself (But bear in mind that I don’t yet own a copy of the game.) gta3 Britney skins gets a special mention, just for the sheer mix ‘n match beauty of it.
toys bay blades, burberry caps I’m not even sure what a burberry cap looks like, I just included it in the Manchester Earthquake appeal piece. Manchester earthquake About time someone came here for that. I was getting bored of the Dudley one. nell mcandrews, “beast sex clips”, lake cumberland nude pics, “hot sex fairy”, “ballistic matching”, naked scallys (there are some sick, sick people in the world.), buddha end of world, cinema 4d buddha, free lovemaking photography, “end of the word”

And sites that bounced to me-
BlueLand, Inner Balance, alexmcchesney, SubRosa (Which has a Dudley version of the Manchester appeal.)

Click the image for the full picture

Once more into the hits log- with added commentary.
Searches that found me-
Dudley earthquake (or variations upon this) Earthquakes are good for business, I’ve had loads of people come to my site after this search. I think it’s a good time to mention all the earthquakes in Manchester this week.
GTA3 skins (including a large subset of GTA3 naked skins). I’m not sure how this one relates to me, but it’s second most popular one for finding me. I guess now that GTA3 is available for the PC it’s possible to make custom skins for the cars and characters.
Bay Blades This is either about a Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual rowing team or Bey Blades, which are groovy battling spinner game things.
how to jump rope basics naked Who thinks up these searches?
sultan of brunei’s car collection Here’s the article that comes out top of the search. The man has some wild cars.
umist beerfest 2002 Which I went to on Friday. Fun as ever. Random beerfest memories- finding the bar was so busy that the two people working it couldn’t keep up, I popped round and helped out, clearing the backlog so I could get served quicker- reunion with the exec members I worked with nine years ago- my beerfest song (Stupid Girl by Garbage) played without even having to request it [Beerfest ’95 or 96 I was more drunk than normal and dedicated it to my ex girlfriend]- Dave T declaring that he was going to get so drunk that he would become totally irresistable to women, but only reaching the point where he was ironically irresistable- having a discussion with Zoe about my favourite type of sheep [Jacobs, because thay have these cool horns you can grab onto and……… I’ll get my coat]
Sex Positions and “the corkscrew” Their emphasis quotations.
nell mcandrews naked It does work! No-one ever came here for Britney Spears naked, I guess I don’t get surfed by many canadians. The thing is, I don’t find Nell McAndrews that attractive, not even when she’s dressed up as Lara Croft.
“Maryland sniper” I’m glad for the people over there that it’s over, but I can guess that my friends the FReepers will be all over the fact that he converted to Islam.
beast sex clips Emily suggested I insert a sheep joke here, but after the Jacobs incident I’m not so sure. What is really wierd is that the link right after mine was to
rubberised canvas supply uk ??????

And sites that bounced to me because we’re in the same rings-
Blueland, Digitalmayhem, Another Black Hole, A Clockwork Orange

First Dudley, now here. Manchester has just been hit by an earthquake! According to the news it measured 3.6 on the Richter scale. I felt something this morning. Like someone had run a car into one of the three houses in my mini block, but without the attendant crashing. I didn’t think any more of it until twenty minutes ago when the same thing happened again. I went to the window to check for cashed cars again and felt the wall move as another tremor hit.

Of course, in this age of WMD paranoia I thought it could have been from an explosion. Either way, I’m sure Al Quaeda will be blamed.

I’m on a break from writing, so it’s time for another quick look at my hits logger.
Searches that found me (I figure if I repeat them I might get people coming back.)-
sultan of brunei’s car collection
quotes October Beerfest
seasons change mov.
nerf toys unidentified flying
Earthquake Dudley [The Dudley earthquake has done more than anything else to help my traffic! And, whilst I would normally use this space to mention Britney Spears (naked or otherwise), Google says that post is only really popular in Canada these days. If I want to get Brits I should mention Nell McAndrews (who?))
dudley earthquake (times 6, see above)
Nucular (and mis-spellings are popular too!)
publishing houses uk
naked revenge pixtures
naked GTA 3 skins
GTA 3 problem load
Bay Blades extreme uk

Sites that bounced to me-
digitalmoi, shady lane, God’s Own Country, photojunkie, yadda yadda yadda, Alex blog, mad musings of me, Taraland, uigui

Time, I think, for another trawl through the hits log to see what sort of searches have been getting people here (working backwards, most recent at top)-

Call Loggers

motor bike crash video clips

Moonraker mov

ruby home page salt gene pool(????)

wattle and daub pics

escorts in manchester bella (you can guess what other sort of things came up on that search.)

spinneyhead (who’d have thought?)

horizontal windmill pics

Clips of Reed Low fighting

gta 3 problem

gta 3 load problem

buddha shops

pics of nucular destruction (nucular again!! Unless this means that Dubya’s visited my site.)

I know my place – two ronnies and john cleese (which was in here last time as well, so this just reinforces the chance that people will find it again. Whilst I’m on the subject of increasing hits and standings in listings, I think it’s time I mentioned Britney Spears naked again. There you go.)

V12 engines

how far away could you hear the earthquake in dudley

amusing items dudley earthquake

pictures of earthquake in manchester dudley

free gay king pictures (I’m just reporting them, I don’t have to explain them.)


nude hunting camp pics

traithlon fetish suits

lift him over the threshold

And a few site who’ve bounced surfers here because we’re in the same rings-

Summer Daze?, mad musings of me, Autumn Blog, The Plastic Cat, Janitor, Destinyland, thereisnoarizona, luceo magazine, Colours of the wind, Notes from Atlanta

I’m also somewhere on this page.