Hello, Gordon here

If Gordon Brown phoned me I’d have a few suggestions for him. And not the calls to resign, which he must hear all the time. For a start he could can his predecessor’s plans for nuclear power and spend the money on expanding grants for energy saving schemes and installing solar equipment (and wind power, but not for people in built up areas where it’s not really effective). Rejig the benefits system so that claimants who get part time jobs are rewarded rather than punished. Give extra bonuses to companies that make biodiesel from recycled cooking oils and punish those that use palm oil.

And more. I’d probably get cut off when it became obvious that I’m more interested in giving advice than receiving spin, but it would be worth a try.

Gordon is a Moron

I’ve been going out with a girl,
her name is Julie
But last night she said to me,
when we were watching telly

(This is what she said)

She said listen John, I love you
But there’s this bloke, I fancy
I don’t want to two time you,
so it’s the end for you and me

Who’s this bloke I asked her
Goooooordon, she replied
Not THAT puff, I said dismayed
Yes but he’s no puff she cried

(He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be)

Here we go, two three four

I was so upset that I cried,
all the way to the chip shop

When I came out there was Gordon,
standing at the bus stop

(And guess who was with him? Yeah, Julie, and they were both laughing at me)

Oh, she is cruel and heartless
to pack me for Gordon
Just cos he’s better looking than me
Just cos he’s cool and trendy

But I know he’s a moron, Gordon is a moron
Gordon is a moron, Gordon is a moron

Here we go, two three four

Oh she’s a slag and he’s a creep
She’s a tart, he’s very cheap
She is a slut, he thinks he’s tough
She is a bitch, he is a puff
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair

(I’m so upset)

I’m so upset, I’m so upset, yeah yeah

(I ought to smash his face in.)

(Yeah, but he’s bigger than me. In’t he?)

(I know, I’ll get my mate Barry to hit him. He’d flatten him)

(Yeah but Barry’s a mate of Gordon’s in’e?)

(Oh well, I don’t care)

I don’t care
I don’t care
Cause she’s a slag and he’s a creep
she’s a tart, he’s very cheap
she is a slut, he thinks he’s tough……

Jilted John – Jilted John

Jilted John’s 3rd Top of the Pops appearance.

Gordon Brown is a Moron

Jilted John Sims