Must Not Mention…..

Okay, I’ve got a coloured version of the sheep ready for the Must Not Mention Sheep T shirt-

Now I need the text for the back. I’m thinking of having a list. At the top, left aligned, it’ll say Must Not Mention…. and underneath, right aligned, ….if I want to get laid. In between are all those subjects you should not bring up whilst trying to chat someone up. So far the list is-

Sheep, Politics, Porn, Comics, Computers, Lighting Rigs, www.(insert geeky website here).com, Sheep, Breasts, Ex-Girlfriends, Fantasies About Lesbians, That article I read in Cosmo about blowjobs, Trek

Any other suggestions are most welcome.

Click the image for the full picture

Once more into the hits log- with added commentary.
Searches that found me-
Dudley earthquake (or variations upon this) Earthquakes are good for business, I’ve had loads of people come to my site after this search. I think it’s a good time to mention all the earthquakes in Manchester this week.
GTA3 skins (including a large subset of GTA3 naked skins). I’m not sure how this one relates to me, but it’s second most popular one for finding me. I guess now that GTA3 is available for the PC it’s possible to make custom skins for the cars and characters.
Bay Blades This is either about a Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual rowing team or Bey Blades, which are groovy battling spinner game things.
how to jump rope basics naked Who thinks up these searches?
sultan of brunei’s car collection Here’s the article that comes out top of the search. The man has some wild cars.
umist beerfest 2002 Which I went to on Friday. Fun as ever. Random beerfest memories- finding the bar was so busy that the two people working it couldn’t keep up, I popped round and helped out, clearing the backlog so I could get served quicker- reunion with the exec members I worked with nine years ago- my beerfest song (Stupid Girl by Garbage) played without even having to request it [Beerfest ’95 or 96 I was more drunk than normal and dedicated it to my ex girlfriend]- Dave T declaring that he was going to get so drunk that he would become totally irresistable to women, but only reaching the point where he was ironically irresistable- having a discussion with Zoe about my favourite type of sheep [Jacobs, because thay have these cool horns you can grab onto and……… I’ll get my coat]
Sex Positions and “the corkscrew” Their emphasis quotations.
nell mcandrews naked It does work! No-one ever came here for Britney Spears naked, I guess I don’t get surfed by many canadians. The thing is, I don’t find Nell McAndrews that attractive, not even when she’s dressed up as Lara Croft.
“Maryland sniper” I’m glad for the people over there that it’s over, but I can guess that my friends the FReepers will be all over the fact that he converted to Islam.
beast sex clips Emily suggested I insert a sheep joke here, but after the Jacobs incident I’m not so sure. What is really wierd is that the link right after mine was to Georgeclooney.org
rubberised canvas supply uk ??????

And sites that bounced to me because we’re in the same rings-
Blueland, Digitalmayhem, Another Black Hole, A Clockwork Orange

Not a lot to say tonight. I mean to get off line and do some work on Bulletproof Poets. Here’s today’s pic an a bit more of The Eliza Effect. Be warned, the links go exactly where they say.

Paul had sat down and swiped his mouse across its mat three times before he realised the problem. “Some bugger’s stolen me computer.”
“Who would want to steal your PC? Wandering bands of Pentium thieving Gypsys? Tech Support of course.”
“What the fuck would Tech Support want with a computer?”
“But it does give you a chance to go see Sarah.”
“I’m out of here.”
“What did you mean, ‘Maybe she wasn’t a lesbian before the Christmas party.�'”

Sarah had been segregated from the rest of Tech Support, because she worked for Sales and they were different. It had worked out quite well, because the partition gave her more room. There were four desktop cases and two monitors on one table and a naked case on the other. Sarah was hooking yet another case up to a monitor. “Oh, hi.”
“Hello. Did you, er�.. Do you have my PC?”
“That one there�” She indicated the topless box. “You requested a memory upgrade and CD drive.”
“That was three months ago.”
“There was a pile of work orders on the desk. I guess no-one had bothered to deal with them.” Sarah indicated her out pile, weighted with a coffee cup.
“Oh, I’m not complaining, I’m more sort of surprised. It took me five months to get a bin I could call my own.”
“Oh, well. George told to do them all ASAP. There’s another for a printer upgrade. It’s something to do with a project your working on.”
“A project we’ve almost finished. Oh well.” He spotted the PC she had been plugging in. “That’s not a company build.”
“George has got me working on his home PC.”
“He had one of that lot,” Paul thumbed in the direction of the rest of Tech Support, “doing that as well. Installed a hard drive.”
“They didn’t do too good a job. Formatted it wrong, and now I have to run off a backup to CD so I can reformat. Except�..”
“Except?” Paul leaned in close so he could look at the screen over Sarah’s shoulder.
She had opened Windows Explorer, and selected the properties of the hard drive. The piechart was all pink. Sarah tapped it. “George has only gone and filled the bloody thing right up hasn’t he. I need to find something to delete so I can make room for the drivers.”
“Try the temporary Internet files. That folder can get quite big.”
“Good idea. There. Hey, it lists all the places he’s been. Let’s see. Amazon. Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon.”
“What dull surfing.”
“Amazon, Amazon, Amazon�” Ann Summers?”
“I didn’t even know he was married.”
“Let’s see where else he’s been.”

Nastyschoolgirl dot com?” Mike asked. “Nasty. Schoolgirl. Dot. Com?”
“Indeed. But that was just one visit. He’d been to must have been every single page of the Ann Summers site. I’ll never be able to look at him again with out seeing the words ‘Realistic jelly feel’. And to top it all off, then we got to the photo personals.”
“You didn’t see�.?”
“Don’t know. They blank out the faces.”
“That does it. I’m wiping my Internet cache. Where is the King of the swingers anyway?”
“‘Taking a meeting’ with someone from head office.”
“Oh God, that means he’s claiming the system was all his idea.”

I’m going back to my geek roots, I think it’s some sort of life crisis thing. Not a mid-life crisis, I haven’t hit that age yet, more third-of-life (I reckon 96 is a good age). I’ll save the fast cars and young women until then, for now I’ve started buying models and RPG games. This is stuff I haven’t touched since my teens, I thought I’d grown out of it.

Ah well. Anyone for a game of Car Wars?

Anyway, quite enough of that. Here’s Page 27 of Bulletproof Poets and another bit of The Eliza Effect-


Paul returned, reading a sheet of paper. Despite being engrossed in the information, he managed to side-step the various obstacles and find his seat.

�Where�ve you been?�

�I was walking past George�s desk and his e-mail was open. He had Sarah�s CV up on it.� He flicked to the second page, �Quite impressive.�

�You fancy her don�t you?�

�There�d be something wrong with me if I didn�t. It�s not like I�m going to do anything about it. She�ll have a boyfriend. It�s Company policy not to employ single women. Hell, even the ones I don�t fancy have got boyfriends.�

�There must be some who are single.�

�Name one.�

Mike thought about this for a while, then went back to typing. It was lunchtime before he thought of an answer. �Judy Price.�


�Judy Price, in accounting. She�s single.�

�She�s a lesbian.�

�Oh. No wonder I didn�t get anywhere at the Christmas party.” He stared at code for a while, contemplating the placement of a loop. “I bought her three drinks. Are you sure she�s a dyke?�

�Maybe she wasn�t before the Christmas party, but she certainly is now.�