Pearl Harbour


That list in full

In fact, here is the whole 100 Things list as it currently stands. I’ve updated links but not any of the aims. Reminders of things I have done are welcome, as are suggestions for removal and replacement.

(Some of the later Things name the people who came up with them during a drunken brainstorming session.)

1. Play croquet

I don’t even know the rules to croquet.

2. Play strip croquet

Ah, the effect that Heathers can have on you.

3. Cycle the Coast to Coast

4. Keep a tidy house

Without calling in any sort of housekeeping services.

5. Live for (at least) three months in another country

6. Shoot Tony Blair

Already done that.

6. Try to get elected

What to, I don’t know.

7. Take part in a threesome

Yes, I know I’m not even participating in any twosomes at the moment, but this is a long term list. (And if I do achieve this one, I probably won’t announce it.)

8. Take part in a foursome

9. Take part in an orgy

Is an orgy 5 or more? Or is there an official lower limit to an orgy? Are there different imperial and metric orgies?

10. Make it into the Popdex (and/or Blogdex) top 100

Which will be good all round. If I can manage to make it onto the list regularly, even better.

Edit Popdex has started behaving oddly, I’ll settle for getting on the Blogsnow list instead.

11. Mention sheep and still get laid

12. Make a living from writing

13. Make a film

It doesn’t have to be a feature length movie, but that would be the next step.

14. Get out of debt

I’ll discount any mortgage from this requirement, and just allow for clearing overdrafts and loans.

15. Become a millionnaire

Foreign currency counts.

16. Climb the highest peaks in each country of the United Kingdom

17. Learn to juggle

18. Build a model village

19. Upset the Daily Mail so much that they run a story about me being a threat to the nation’s morals

20. Visit the beaches of D-Day, and the little town of Quenast my grandparents’ house was named after

21. Visit Pearl Harbour

22. Read Moby Dick

Gratuitous Zelig reference.

23. Get interviewed by Richard and Judy

Or a passable equivalent.

24. Own a Land Rover

And actually use it for off roading.

25. Have a bike for every day of the week

Mountain bike, Jump bike/BMX, road bike, recumbent, folding, commuter, unicycle.

26. Give a grand to charity

Not raise a grand, but give one. Raising a grand should be possible, especially if I do 27.

27. Do over a hundred miles on the Bogle Roll

My plan for next year’s Roll. I’ll need to get another of my 7 bikes to do it.

28. Learn to snowboard

29. Get a dog

But not whilst I’m living in the city.

30. Own a thousand CDs (or have 100 Gbytes of MP3s on my computer.)

I’m going to cheat and allow CD singles in this.

31. Attend the Glastonbury festival

32. Roast my own coffee

Done that.

33. Send a dirty text message

34. Propose to someone

35. Fly in a hot air balloon

36. Go to a shooting range

37. Spend a whole day watching all three of the Lord of the Rings films back to back

Extended cuts.

38. Buy a house

39. Own a piece of Microsoft

40. Moblog

First done here, then conclusively here, here and here. And regularly since.

41. Canoe on the Thames

42. Figure out the question

43. Brew beer

44. Learn a new language

Spoken, not computer. And not Klingon.

45. Start a craze

46. Make love in a hammock

This one inspired by The Sure Thing

47. Visit every continent

48. Fly a helicopter

49. Build a tree house

50. Hold a party for a hundred people

51. Make love outdoors

The roundabout incident doesn’t count as it was unplanned, drunken horniness. However, I could go for getting 46 at the same time.

52. Join the Mile High Club

53. Join the Mile Low Club

In a cave or down a mine.

54. Join the Two Metres High club

On a train. Sleeper carriages count.

55. Exceed 40mph on a bike

Downhill counts.

56. Build a house

57. Learn to play a musical instrument

58. Get a signed letter from a serving head of state

Probably not going to be Tony, though.

59. Break a record

Even if it is for the silliest ‘Hundred things to do’ list.

60. Burn all my CD singles to MP3

61. Appear on Have I Got News For You?

This will probably be just before or just after offending the Daily Mail.

62. Swim with Dolphins

It was going to be swim with monkeys, but I reckon any mammal will do

63. Visit Japan

Kawaii

64. Get a HGV or Motorcyle licence

The motorcycle licence would be cooler, but I value my limbs the shape they are.

65. Learn Morse code

66. Attend Burning Man

There were also plans to create a BM equivalent in the Scottish Highlands, to be called Soggy Man.

67. Dance naked in the rain

68. Drive a race/ rally car

69. Fulfil Sabs’ dream of seeing me walk out of Lyme Park lake wearing breeches.

Penny. Well, it was Sabs’ idea originally, but Penny added it to the list.

70. Get a woman to pose in the nude (for my comic.)

Zoe. I asked Zoe if she’d pose naked for me, but she said no. Shame. I’ve also widened the scope to posing for anything, just to improve my chances. Any volunteers?

71. Play UV pool

Daz.

72. Do roman chariot racing with big fat men in place of horses.

Zoe. This is a far nicer version of Lesley’s suggestion of ‘Become a pony boy.’

73. Flash at a concert audience

Penny. Originally ‘Flash at a Status Quo audience’ but I’ve expanded it.

74. Be a model at an Ann Summers party

Penny.

75. Swim the full length of the Bridgewater Canal

Penny. So long as I don’t h
ave to do it in the actual canal.

76. Learn the national anthems of the Six Nations

Penny and Lesley.

77. Design a sex toy

Zoe and Penny. Full description- ‘Design a sex toy and advertise for testers and reach quality standards for ISO and BSS’. By setting such stringent conditions they just volunteered to be the first testers. There then followed a brainstorming session on what would make a perfect sex toy, the notes from which will form the basis of a future post.

This project is under way. After posting the list of recommended features, I received quite a peak in hits. I have now moved on to the shopping list for building the test version.

In the meantime, there is a range of Perfect Sex Toy clothing- Ladies top, Ladies Tank Top and Long Sleeve T Shirt.

78. Be an extra on a TV programme.

Emily. She originally stipulated Hollyoaks, but it was decided I wasn’t blonde enough.

79. Buy lingerie for a woman

Penny. In person, from a shop. Original conditions- ‘Buy a woman a thermal vest in person from Pleasure and a matching set from Kendals including peep hole bra and crotchless knickers whilst dressed in a flowery dress.’

80. Buy the Pete Waterman (SAW) compilation album

Penny. She insists it’s not because she’s too ashamed to buy it herself. It could have been worse, she could have suggested the karaoke version

81. Learn to salsa

Penny and Lesley. I’d also like to learn to make the perfect salsa dip.

82. Have sex in an ambulance or hearse

Penny and Harry. Originally an ambulance or ‘vehicle of the dead’ while on the move.

83. Grow a bonsai tree

Penny. A bit of wishful thinking considering I killed my last two bonsai. My sister did buy me The Art of the Bonsai Potato for Christmas.

84. Have a drink in every CAMRA pub in Manchester

Harry. Originally it also said ‘within one week’ but I edited that out.

85. Get an 8 pint certificate from The Crown in Stockport.

What they actually do is put your name on a board in the pub and, allegedly, get you a tankard engraved with your name.

Anyway, the challenge has been done, and recorded here and up. Pictures.

86. Get zipped up in a US style body bag.

Harry. Only if I can take a big knife in to cut my way out.

87. Create art using my body.

Penny. Originally ‘Create modern art using your body and any other body using bandages, plaster of paris and vaseline and get it displayed in a gallery.’

88. Get a piece of art displayed in a gallery

Me, but inspired by 87. I’m allowed to do a Banksy.

89. See a psychiatrist

Penny. After some of these suggestions I’ll have to.

90. See a psychosexual counsellor

Penny. See above. And I think this should also apply to some of the people supplying suggestions.

91. Bowl on the Bowling Green again.

Emily. That is, the bowling green that used to be in front of UMIST union. They’ve done horrible things to it. Does boules count?

92. Attend a televised awards ceremony

93. Learn a programming language

Properly, not in the half arsed way I learnt to gaffer tape routines together in VBA. Griff says that C# is quite a lucrative area to be in.

94. Visit every Disneyland

This was actually Griff’s aim, but I stole it.

This aim has been removed from the list.

95. Get a free crate of Glenfiddich

Sometimes breweries will gift crates of their products to writers who mention them. I’m also open to offers of Jennings Sneck Lifter.

96. Go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef

97. Get as close to an active volcano as possible

98. Attend a gala movie premiere

Hell, if Rebecca Loos can do it, so can I. But I’m not shagging any footballers except
these two.

99. Publish a cook book

My sister’s been promising to write one for a while now. I must get her to finish it.

100. Get ‘Ian Seat’ into the OED

Being the position in a crowded room, bar, etc, which has the least advantageous view for eyeing up members of the opposite sex.


101. Burn all my CDs to MP3

102. Eat in, or from, every restaurant and kebabery in Rusholme.

Which could be a year or so’s work. Longer, considering how rarely I eat out. It’s not called the Curry Mile for nothing.

This replaces 94.

103. Go Guerilla Gardening

Next spring I’m walking around Manchester with a stick and a pocket full of seeds. I’m going to plant peas and herbs and other veg in flowerbeds and hedges.

104. Follow the route of the M60 by bike

Utilising side streets, riverbanks and paths.

105. Appear in a TV commercial.

Because they pay residuals. If it got shown enough, I could almost live off it.

106. Make love with a cheerleader.

Every American boy’s dream.

105 and 106 are provisional. If no-one can come up with better suggestions, they stay!

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All books sent under a plain brown wrapper……

Yet more books have been listed on Amazon The “Direct” link before each of them takes you to my listing in the marketplace. If it’s gone, the other link takes you to its full listing.

Direct Ex Libris [Paperback] by Rotundo, Massimo; Rotundo
Late nineteenth century naughtiness depicted with fine line work.

Direct Shorts [Paperback]by Manara, Milo
Direct Click: A Woman Under the Influence [Paperback] by Manara, Milo
Two comics from the Italian master of gorgeously rendered smut.

Direct Little Ego [Paperback] by Giardino, Vittorio
It seems this book is quite rare, hence the price tag. Clear line and colour pastiches of the Little Nemo comics of the Thirties, in which the eponymous heroine finds herself in surreal situations, usually involving nudeness and elicit sex.

Direct Young Witches [Paperback] by Barreiro
Dark in more ways than one. The art reminds me of old school war comics in the heavy lines and shading, but the subject is something else again. The pupils of this Wiccan college must undergo some major degradation before they can graduate. Not really my kind of thing, though I didn’t know that when I picked it up.

Direct Erika [Paperback] by Fattori
Very modern Euro style art- bright colours and sharp lines- illustrate the story of a very open relationship.

Direct K [Paperback] by Easterman, Daniel
I haven’t actually read this one. Thriller set in an America overrun by the Klan.

Direct The Aardvark Is Ready for War [Paperback] by Blinn, James
Dark satire set during the first Gulf War. The Aardvark doesn’t really want to fight, and the story follows his voyage out to the Gulf and all the ways he tries to avoid his duty.

Direct Day of Infamy: Attack on Pearl Harbor (Wordsworth Military Library) [Paperback]
Comprehensive book on the Pearl Harbour attack. Has a lot of the details missed out of all the modern documentaries on the subject.

Direct The Dam Busters (Pan Grand Strategy S.) [Paperback] by Brickhill, Paul
617 Squadron wasn’t just about the bouncing bomb and their first raid. They went on to pioneer precision bombing- practically heresy at the time- and deliver the then largest conventional bombs. This book was one of the prime sources for the classic film, but follows the squadron through to the end of the war.

Direct Stupid White Men: …and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation…
Need I say more.

Direct Underwater Warriors: The Fighting History of Midget Submarines (Cassell…
A history of miniature subs and their varied success in war service.

Direct Holy War Inc. Inside the Secret World of Osama bin Laden [Hardcover] by Bergen
I reviewed this book here.

Direct Dilbert: You Don’t Need Experience If You’ve Got Attitude [Hardcover] by Adams
Direct Dilbert: Please Don’t Feed the Egos [Hardcover] by Adams, Scott
Direct The Dilbert Bunch [Hardcover] by Adams, Scott

Direct Lone Wolf: True Stories of Spree Killers [Paperback] by Pantziarka, Pan

Back from the period when I was fascinated with serial killers and their like.

Direct Atomised [Paperback] by Houellebecq, Michel; Wynne, Frank
Never got round to reading this one.

Direct Cardiff Dead [Paperback] by Williams, John
Or this one.

Direct Why Do People Hate America? [Paperback] by Sardar, Ziauddin; Davies, Merryl Wyn
Reviewed here.

Direct The Memory of Whiteness [Paperback] by Robinson, Kim Stanley
Haven’t read this one.

Direct Women on Top [Paperback] by Friday, Nancy
Direct Men in Love [Paperback] by Friday, Nancy
Before I read these books I was worried my fantasies were a bit
freaky. After reading them I was afraid my fantasies were a bit weak.

Direct Stalingrad [Paperback] by Beevor, Antony
A big book about an epic battle.

Direct Blind Man’s Bluff: The Untold Story of American Submarine Espionage
Fascinating stuff about the Cold War submarine operations of the US Navy.

Direct Just Capital [Paperback] by Turner, Adair; Dahrendorf, Ralf
Haven’t read this one.

Direct Bomber Command (Pan Grand Strategy S.) [Paperback] by Hastings, Max
Direct The Korean War (Pan Grand Strategy S.) [Paperback] by Hastings, Max
Max Hastings has written a lot of thorough book about war and major battles. I have more, but, for now, these are the ones I’m selling.

Direct Dogs of God [Paperback] by Benedict, Pinckney
Never read this.

Direct Love Machine [Paperback] by Altuna Et Al
Comic done in an interesting wash and line art. The Love Machine is an arcade machine that plays viewers short films. Every film, no matter how fantastic the setting, somehow relates back to dilemmas in the viewer’s life.

Direct Clone: The Road to Dolly and the Path Ahead (Penguin Press Science S…
Never read this.

Direct Zigzag Street [Paperback] by Earls, Nick
Signed by the author, perhaps I should re-list it as collectible.

Direct Judge Dredd: The Cursed Earth (2000 AD presents) [Paperback] by Pat Mills…
Direct Judge Dredd: The Judge Child Quest (2000AD Presents) [Paperback] by Wagner…
Direct Judge Dredd: The Apocalypse War (2000AD Presents) [Paperback] by John Wagner…
Three Judge Dredd classics that I’d never read until I found these collected editions.

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100 Things (part 1)

Whilst wandering around the blogosphere the other day I found someone who had drawn up a list of a hundred things to do before he died. He hadn’t linked to the list and I forgot where it was anyway, but it has inspired me to make a list of my own.

This is 100 things to do and should be a perpetually updated list. Every time I achieve a goal I have to cross it off and add another one to the list. This is part one of the list, in no particular order, feel free to make suggestions.

1. Play croquet
I don’t even know the rules to croquet.
2. Play strip croquet
Ah, the effect that Heathers can have on you.
3. Cycle the Coast to Coast
4. Keep a tidy house
Without calling in any sort of housekeeping services.
5. Live for (at least) three months in another country
6. Shoot Tony Blair
Already done that.
6. Try to get elected
What to, I don’t know.
7. Take part in a threesome
Yes, I know I’m not even participating in any twosomes at the moment, but this is a long term list. (And if I do achieve this one, I probably won’t announce it.)
8. Take part in a foursome
9. Take part in an orgy
Is an orgy 5 or more? Or is there an official lower limit to an orgy? Are there different imperial and metric orgies?
10. Make it into the Popdex top 100
Which will be good all round. If I can manage to make it onto the list regularly, even better.
11. Mention sheep and still get laid
12. Make a living from writing
13. Make a film
It doesn’t have to be a feature length movie, but that would be the next step.
14. Get out of debt
I’ll discount any mortgage from this requirement, and just allow for clearing overdrafts and loans.
15. Become a millionnaire
Foreign currency counts.
16. Climb the highest peaks in each country of the United Kingdom
17. Learn to juggle
18. Build a model village
19. Upset the Daily Mail so much that they run a story about me being a threat to the nation’s morals
20. Visit the beaches of D-Day, and the little town of Quenast my grandparents’ house was named after
21. Visit Pearl Harbour
22. Read Moby Dick
Gratuitous Zelig reference.
23. Get interviewed by Richard and Judy
Or a passable equivalent.
24. Own a Land Rover
And actually use it for off roading.
25. Have a bike for every day of the week
Mountain bike, Jump bike/BMX, road bike, recumbent, folding, commuter, unicycle.

More to follow.


Vote

Slide on over to the Weblog Awards and vote for JohnnyTheo in the best group blog category- and Anti-War in the Best Crawly Amphibians Ecosystem Level Blog category because the Freepers are trying to skew the poll. (Why did no-one nominate Spinneyhead for anything? Boo…..Pout…… Sulk)

On the subject of Anti-War they linked to this article about the old favourite controversy of just how much was known about the attack on Pearl Harbour before it happened.


I’ve been doing a little research in preparation for the huge battle that will be book two of Seeds (I’m thinking more and more of calling the novel ‘Heaven Sent’, which was the original title for just part one). The main battle is going to be, basically, Pearl Harbour, only on a grander scale.

So it’s going to be an air raid on an unprecedented size, but there should be other prongs to the attack. One I thought of today was midget subs. I knew the Japanese sent midget submarines into the harbour as part of the raid. I didn’t know that they tried a raid on Sydney harbour in May 1942. This was the nearest the subs came to a successful mission, their loss rate, in combat and otherwise, must have been one of the highest in the whole war. The British, Italians and Germans were more succesful.

I’ve been spending time at work surfing for this sort of information. Out of the sea and into the air, I recently ordered a model of the Curtiss XP-55 Ascender. This, the Vultee XP-54 Swoose Goose and Northrop XP-56 Black Bullet were responses to a 1939 tender for a new generation of American fighter. The Cicciles in Seeds were originally based upon the XP-54, but now I’m leaning more to the XP-55.


Time for an update on what I’m listening to and reading, I think.
Best new album of the last few months has to be Loss, by Mull Historical Society. It reminds me a bit of the excellent Hefner, though a little less acoustic.
With a new album just released by Gomez, I’ve been going back to Bring It On and Liquid Skin to get reacquainted.
Just started reading Star Dust Falling, all about aviation archeology, climbing in the Andes and an eccentric and very dangerous (for the passengers) post war airline called British South American Airways. This supplements Day of Infamy, all about Pearl Harbour. When I’m done with those, I’ve got Stupid White Men to keep me amused.