You could buy me a Wii, but it’s okay, you can wait until they’re back in stock and people stop charging rip off prices for them. We spent far too much time Wii’ing last night and now Casa Spinneyhead must have one.
I promis not to link the controller up to a Wiibrator.
Britain’s first television advert for a sex toy will air on Friday, after 11pm. The advert is for a disposable vibrating cock ring from Durex, who are complaining that they can’t show the piece earlier. Having seen the schedules, I reckon a two-for-one deal on gimp suits would be more tasteful than the programs surrounding it.
Technorati tag: Sex Toy, Advertising
Ian was talking about actually building his sex toy at the weekend. Just to give him a headstart, I have managed to get hold of a spare PS2 controller (with vibrate function) from ebay. I have also located a programming guide for the PS2 (which does involve soft modding a PS2, of which we have access to 2), from PS2 DEV.
I do have a few ideas on what the software should ultimately do, but I will be happy just to get the vibration thing working to start off with.
Somehow I don’t think Sony are going to let us license this product….
Technorati tag: Sony Playstation Sex Toy
I thought I’d hit an inspiration block with my NaNoWriMo story. For the last few thousand words all my main characters seem to have been doing is having sex, pondering the strangeness going on around them, then having more sex. I thouight this was just because I didn’t know what to do with them next, but all the shagging has dislodged a plot idea in my head and now there’s a reason for all the nookie.
It kind of makes it less fun when it’s not gratuitous any more……
Having reinstated the 100 Things list I have decided to remove some of the ideas- and call for suggestions to replace them- and edit others.
8. Take part in a foursome
According to the Purity Test, a foursome is an orgy. So this has been removed as a duplicate Thing.
10. Make it into the Popdex (and/or Blogdex) top 100
This one isn’t being removed as such, it’s just that with Digg etc. it’s not such a static target. Maybe it should now be “Rank highly on a top link popularity site.” or something.
12. Make a living from writing
Is now “Make a living from Spinneyhead.”
72. Do roman chariot racing with big fat men in place of horses
Because it’s just silly. It’s dropped.
Actually, that was fewer than I thought I’d be removing. I must be feeling more optimistic than when I resurrected the list. That’s only two new Things that are required. Suggestions in the comments please.
Whilst I’m on the subject, a lot of work was put into the Perfect Sex Toy design only to find companies bringing out products with our desired features. Now, if you’re not so geeky that you have no free USB ports, you can get a simple USB powered massager (affiliate link) for use at the keyboard. It’s just a simple on/off device with no way to tie it to your activity, but it’s a start.
(Bonus affiliate links- I Rub My Duckie, Ernie’s favourite toy gone naughty, and I Rub My Devil Duckie, which is the same product with added horns.)
Technorati tag: List, 100 Things, Sex Toy
The George Bush buttplug. There’s nothing I can say. So here’s some copy from the website.
This President will really f*** you up the butt. You’re already familiar with the sensation, so why not REALLY FEEL IT with our exclusive Presidential Pooper Plug. Invade an Iraqi, an Afghani, or at even an Iranian when you want. With this fat headed, huge stub of a plug no ass is safe anywhere.
Made of 100% silicone with 4″ of useable length and a head 1-1/2″ in diameter, this butt plug will issue a 110% American ass drubbing. A 2-3/4″ base prevents the little prick from digging in without a timetable for withdrawal.
via Fleshbot
Technorati tag: George Bush, Sex Toy, Butt Plug, Satire
In fact, here is the whole 100 Things list as it currently stands. I’ve updated links but not any of the aims. Reminders of things I have done are welcome, as are suggestions for removal and replacement.
(Some of the later Things name the people who came up with them during a drunken brainstorming session.)
1. Play croquet
I don’t even know the rules to croquet.
2. Play strip croquet
Ah, the effect that Heathers can have on you.
3. Cycle the Coast to Coast
4. Keep a tidy house
Without calling in any sort of housekeeping services.
5. Live for (at least) three months in another country
6. Shoot Tony Blair
Already done that.
6. Try to get elected
What to, I don’t know.
7. Take part in a threesome
Yes, I know I’m not even participating in any twosomes at the moment, but this is a long term list. (And if I do achieve this one, I probably won’t announce it.)
8. Take part in a foursome
9. Take part in an orgy
Is an orgy 5 or more? Or is there an official lower limit to an orgy? Are there different imperial and metric orgies?
10. Make it into the Popdex (and/or Blogdex) top 100
Which will be good all round. If I can manage to make it onto the list regularly, even better.
Edit Popdex has started behaving oddly, I’ll settle for getting on the Blogsnow list instead.
11. Mention sheep and still get laid
12. Make a living from writing
13. Make a film
It doesn’t have to be a feature length movie, but that would be the next step.
14. Get out of debt
I’ll discount any mortgage from this requirement, and just allow for clearing overdrafts and loans.
15. Become a millionnaire
16. Climb the highest peaks in each country of the United Kingdom
17. Learn to juggle
18. Build a model village
19. Upset the Daily Mail so much that they run a story about me being a threat to the nation’s morals
20. Visit the beaches of D-Day, and the little town of Quenast my grandparents’ house was named after
21. Visit Pearl Harbour
22. Read Moby Dick
Gratuitous Zelig reference.
23. Get interviewed by Richard and Judy
Or a passable equivalent.
24. Own a Land Rover
And actually use it for off roading.
25. Have a bike for every day of the week
Mountain bike, Jump bike/BMX, road bike, recumbent, folding, commuter, unicycle.
26. Give a grand to charity
Not raise a grand, but give one. Raising a grand should be possible, especially if I do 27.
27. Do over a hundred miles on the Bogle Roll
My plan for next year’s Roll. I’ll need to get another of my 7 bikes to do it.
28. Learn to snowboard
29. Get a dog
But not whilst I’m living in the city.
30. Own a thousand CDs (or have 100 Gbytes of MP3s on my computer.)
I’m going to cheat and allow CD singles in this.
31. Attend the Glastonbury festival
32. Roast my own coffee
33. Send a dirty text message
34. Propose to someone
35. Fly in a hot air balloon
36. Go to a shooting range
37. Spend a whole day watching all three of the Lord of the Rings films back to back
Extended cuts.
38. Buy a house
39. Own a piece of Microsoft
40. Moblog
First done here, then conclusively here, here and here. And regularly since.
41. Canoe on the Thames
42. Figure out the question
43. Brew beer
44. Learn a new language
Spoken, not computer. And not Klingon.
45. Start a craze
46. Make love in a hammock
This one inspired by The Sure Thing
47. Visit every continent
48. Fly a helicopter
49. Build a tree house
50. Hold a party for a hundred people
51. Make love outdoors
The roundabout incident doesn’t count as it was unplanned, drunken horniness. However, I could go for getting 46 at the same time.
52. Join the Mile High Club
53. Join the Mile Low Club
In a cave or down a mine.
54. Join the Two Metres High club
On a train. Sleeper carriages count.
55. Exceed 40mph on a bike
Downhill counts.
56. Build a house
57. Learn to play a musical instrument
58. Get a signed letter from a serving head of state
Probably not going to be Tony, though.
59. Break a record
Even if it is for the silliest ‘Hundred things to do’ list.
60. Burn all my CD singles to MP3
61. Appear on Have I Got News For You?
This will probably be just before or just after offending the Daily Mail.
62. Swim with Dolphins
It was going to be swim with monkeys, but I reckon any mammal will do
63. Visit Japan
Kawaii
64. Get a HGV or Motorcyle licence
The motorcycle licence would be cooler, but I value my limbs the shape they are.
65. Learn Morse code
66. Attend Burning Man
There were also plans to create a BM equivalent in the Scottish Highlands, to be called Soggy Man.
67. Dance naked in the rain
68. Drive a race/ rally car
69. Fulfil Sabs’ dream of seeing me walk out of Lyme Park lake wearing breeches.
Penny. Well, it was Sabs’ idea originally, but Penny added it to the list.
70. Get a woman to pose in the nude (for my comic.)
Zoe. I asked Zoe if she’d pose naked for me, but she said no. Shame. I’ve also widened the scope to posing for anything, just to improve my chances. Any volunteers?
71. Play UV pool
Daz.
72. Do roman chariot racing with big fat men in place of horses.
Zoe. This is a far nicer version of Lesley’s suggestion of ‘Become a pony boy.’
73. Flash at a concert audience
Penny. Originally ‘Flash at a Status Quo audience’ but I’ve expanded it.
74. Be a model at an Ann Summers party
Penny.
75. Swim the full length of the Bridgewater Canal
Penny. So long as I don’t h
ave to do it in the actual canal.
76. Learn the national anthems of the Six Nations
Penny and Lesley.
77. Design a sex toy
Zoe and Penny. Full description- ‘Design a sex toy and advertise for testers and reach quality standards for ISO and BSS’. By setting such stringent conditions they just volunteered to be the first testers. There then followed a brainstorming session on what would make a perfect sex toy, the notes from which will form the basis of a future post.
This project is under way. After posting the list of recommended features, I received quite a peak in hits. I have now moved on to the shopping list for building the test version.
In the meantime, there is a range of Perfect Sex Toy clothing- Ladies top, Ladies Tank Top and Long Sleeve T Shirt.
78. Be an extra on a TV programme.
Emily. She originally stipulated Hollyoaks, but it was decided I wasn’t blonde enough.
79. Buy lingerie for a woman
Penny. In person, from a shop. Original conditions- ‘Buy a woman a thermal vest in person from Pleasure and a matching set from Kendals including peep hole bra and crotchless knickers whilst dressed in a flowery dress.’
80. Buy the Pete Waterman (SAW) compilation album
Penny. She insists it’s not because she’s too ashamed to buy it herself. It could have been worse, she could have suggested the karaoke version
81. Learn to salsa
Penny and Lesley. I’d also like to learn to make the perfect salsa dip.
82. Have sex in an ambulance or hearse
Penny and Harry. Originally an ambulance or ‘vehicle of the dead’ while on the move.
83. Grow a bonsai tree
Penny. A bit of wishful thinking considering I killed my last two bonsai. My sister did buy me The Art of the Bonsai Potato for Christmas.
84. Have a drink in every CAMRA pub in Manchester
Harry. Originally it also said ‘within one week’ but I edited that out.
85. Get an 8 pint certificate from The Crown in Stockport.
What they actually do is put your name on a board in the pub and, allegedly, get you a tankard engraved with your name.
Anyway, the challenge has been done, and recorded here and up. Pictures.
86. Get zipped up in a US style body bag.
Harry. Only if I can take a big knife in to cut my way out.
87. Create art using my body.
Penny. Originally ‘Create modern art using your body and any other body using bandages, plaster of paris and vaseline and get it displayed in a gallery.’
88. Get a piece of art displayed in a gallery
Me, but inspired by 87. I’m allowed to do a Banksy.
89. See a psychiatrist
Penny. After some of these suggestions I’ll have to.
90. See a psychosexual counsellor
Penny. See above. And I think this should also apply to some of the people supplying suggestions.
91. Bowl on the Bowling Green again.
Emily. That is, the bowling green that used to be in front of UMIST union. They’ve done horrible things to it. Does boules count?
92. Attend a televised awards ceremony
93. Learn a programming language
Properly, not in the half arsed way I learnt to gaffer tape routines together in VBA. Griff says that C# is quite a lucrative area to be in.
94. Visit every Disneyland
This was actually Griff’s aim, but I stole it.
This aim has been removed from the list.
95. Get a free crate of Glenfiddich
Sometimes breweries will gift crates of their products to writers who mention them. I’m also open to offers of Jennings Sneck Lifter.
96. Go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef
97. Get as close to an active volcano as possible
98. Attend a gala movie premiere
Hell, if Rebecca Loos can do it, so can I. But I’m not shagging any footballers except
these two.
99. Publish a cook book
My sister’s been promising to write one for a while now. I must get her to finish it.
100. Get ‘Ian Seat’ into the OED
Being the position in a crowded room, bar, etc, which has the least advantageous view for eyeing up members of the opposite sex.
101. Burn all my CDs to MP3
102. Eat in, or from, every restaurant and kebabery in Rusholme.
Which could be a year or so’s work. Longer, considering how rarely I eat out. It’s not called the Curry Mile for nothing.
This replaces 94.
103. Go Guerilla Gardening
Next spring I’m walking around Manchester with a stick and a pocket full of seeds. I’m going to plant peas and herbs and other veg in flowerbeds and hedges.
104. Follow the route of the M60 by bike
Utilising side streets, riverbanks and paths.
105. Appear in a TV commercial.
Because they pay residuals. If it got shown enough, I could almost live off it.
106. Make love with a cheerleader.
Every American boy’s dream.
105 and 106 are provisional. If no-one can come up with better suggestions, they stay!
Technorati tag: List, 100 Things
Find the dildoes in Davinci’s Last Supper. It’s far more interesting than wondering whether that’s a woman or very pretty boy on Jesus’ right. Do you think he blessed them and revived the batteries?
via Fleshbot (NSFW)
Technorati tag: Da Vinci, Last Supper, Jesus, Dildo
I’ve started using Amazon’s beta Self Optimising Links to bring up relevant products in the banner and sidebar. So far so good. The post about Slayer Day brings up a list of Slayer albums and yesterday’s post about semen making you happy has some very interesting results. Including the simply titled The Semen Book.
Book Description
Did you know that human sperm is ejaculated at a speed of 17 km/h.? Or that ejaculate is pushed out in 0,8 second intervals? Or that the male orgasm, which usually lasts between 3 and 10 seconds, only in exceptional cases lasts longer than 15 seconds? Or that it is accompanied by an increase in heart frequency to 180 beats per minute, and that breathing can accelerate to 40 breaths per minute? Just about any question about semen, fertility, male sexual potency, and sexual physiology, is answered by Vivien Marx in this lively, informed and entertainingly written book. It is a book for men. It is a book for women. It is a reference book, a textbook, and a good read. If you ever wondered what the purpose of orgasm is, what determines the smell and colour of semen, wondered about delayed ejaculations – retrograde ejaculations, how best to look after testicles, how smoking, alcohol, drugs, stress and lifestyle affect potency and fertility, how environmental influences fertility, (are British men an endangered species?), about semen and disease – the unloved companions of the sperm cells, semen and criminology, the history of semen science, how semen is tested – you will find the answers to these and hundreds of other questions here. Of potential interest to everyone who walks into a bookshop. Meticulously researched and written in an entertaining and informative style. Sure to attract media attention. Timely book for the sexual health market.
I wonder what the Perfect Sex Toy post will bring up?
Another requirement ticked off the Perfect Sex Toy list- the Je Joue sensual massager can be programmed to whatever combinations of “Grooves” work for you.
The beauty of Je Joue is that it lets you create your own Grooves or customise the ones we’ve created for you.
Once you discover the moves that really do it for you, you can save them to create a treasure chest of your own personal favourites. Then combine them to create uniquely personal Grooves that really hit the spot.
Make one for every mood; the only limit is your imagination.
via Sex Drive Daily
Technorati tag: Sex Toy
I don’t think the Sex Toy design list had a requirement for the device to be environmentally friendly. Treehugger has a post on greening your bedroom exploits and, considering the horrible chemicals some sex toys can leach– particularly in contact with lipids and the like- you know it makes sense to save up for that glass dildo.
Technorati tag: Sex Toy, phthalates
The Talking Head vibrator brings audio stimulation as well as physical stimulation for a complete sensation. A technologically advanced rabbit vibrator with onboard computer chip controls, this vibe is the one everyone’s
talking about. Especially as you can record your own voice, your lover’s or download voices from anonymous strangers to fulfill your most lustful ambitions. All in the privacy of your home. Or office. Because we’re
developing new products for that, too.
That wasn’t on the Perfect Sex Toy list either.
via Fleshbot
Technorati tag: Sex Toy
Bliss is a game for lovers, with customisable starting settings and really dirty expansion packs. I don’t know if any of the game’s features were included in the perfect sex toy list, but they should have been.
Found via this review at Wired.
Kristin Hersh’s new band have released an EP free on the internet.
With “Free Music” 50FootWave is seeking new earballs. We thought it’d be interesting to ask for your energy & enthusiasm rather than your money and see what happens. To that end, please share this music in any and every way you see fit. Burn CDs, post the mp3s, seed Torrents — whatever’s comfortable for you.
It’s an experiment. Who knows how it will go? Wheee!
via WarrenEllis
via CinemaMinima
also via CinemaMinima
This doesn’t look anything like I’d expect an orgasmatron to look like. Whereas this has potential.
Technorati tag: Sex Toy, Amazon, Orgasmatron
I’m sure someone’s already done this, but it’s hip because it’s jumping on the iPod bandwagon. Or something.
The iBuzz plugs into your iPod (or any other music player) and vibrates in time with the music. It also comes with his ‘n hers attachments.
Turn him into a vibrator with the stretchy ring and use the soft sleeve for sensitive stimulation.
via BoingBoing
Most of the new stuff in this round up is veering away from Spinneyhead’s list of requirements, apart from the last one- convert audio to vibrations. NSFW, obviously.
Technorati tag: Sex Toy
A little thesis, with illustrations, on the history of mechanical devices used for sexual stimulation (does that sound learned enough?) NSFW, of course.
Many a young girl discovers the pleasure of sex by way of an innocent activity that happens to apply pressure to her crotch. Bouncing on Uncle Bob’s knee, frolicking on playground equipment, climbing trees, and horseback riding are good examples, but no machine in our culture has contributed more to the pleasure of young girls than the bicycle.
Bicycles and exercise bikes are popular props in erotic stories. The ride is often enhanced by a specially constructed, sexually stimulating seat, sometimes nothing more than a dildo. In extreme settings the rider is lashed to the bike and must continue pedaling, and thus receiving sexual stimulation, or be subjected to some sort of motivation such as electric shock. I kind of like the idea of a powerful, variable intensity vibrator built into the seat, connected to a control box in such a way that the slower the rider pedals the stronger the vibration. In the beginning the rider may prefer to go slow, but after a few good orgasms the situation will be most conducive to weight loss.
via Fleshbot
Technorati tag: Sex Toy
The Toy is a bullet shaped vibrator that is Bluetooth enabled so that text messages received by your mobile become vibrations which vary depending upon the message.
Of course, bluetooth enabled was one of the requirements on the Perfect Sex Toy list.
via Sex Drive Daily
