Sheep


Get your rocks off

A new alcopop for well almost everyone (Sorry Ian, who is violently allergic to vodka). Roxxoff is new alcoholic drink with aphrodisiac properties. Currently, their is a group of lobbyists trying to get it banned as they dont think there should be such a blatant link between sex and alcohol. But as Ian will vouch this may be unfounded. The more Ian drinks the less likely he is to have sex: Ian drinking is directly proportional to him talking about sheep. It doesn’t take a genius to realise that talking about sheep is indirectly proportional to pull the ladies.


Anti Ian and Uber Ian

I’ve been receiving relationship advice from other members of Spinneyhead.
Brian’s was most succinct, quoting Yoda in a comment he simply states- “Do, or do not. There is no try.”
Daz weighed in with “You’ll never know if you never try.” and “Why don’t you just call up [insert name of current crush here] and ask her out?” He’d make a good mother. (He’s known me for long enough to realise the futility of using that argument on me, but still he tries. He’d make a very good mother.)
John’s advice is the most intriguing. He thinks I should start channeling anti-Ian, who won’t be so shy or crap. Anti-Ian would be unreliable, lie and probably cheat. But he would get laid.
The problem is, the best time to channel this alternative persona is whilst drunk. When I’m drunk I turn into Uber-Ian, who is a sort of hyperactive version of everyday Ian. If you want to have a conversation about whether sheep or goats would make better skiers (goats, because sheep are too dumb to be able to handle fakie moves), U-I’s your man, but if you want me to chat you up, you’re right out of luck.
Alternatively, he has offered the loan of his nephew, because babies are total chick magnets.
Emily has told me some of her friends used to fancy me. But that was several years ago, if she’d wanted to be useful she should have told me then.


Year of the Ram

Officially a day late, but I mention it now because I’ve just been to the Chinese New Year parade in town. I got loads of photos but, as usual, they’re spread across three cameras so aI didn’t manage to finish any rolls off. I also convinced myself I need an autofocus SLR because you can bet most of the shots of the dragon will be out of focus.

And remember, it’s the year of the Ram. Maybe at last all thos sheep jokes will pay off.


If you can hypnotise chickens, then surely you can hypnotise other animals. I set out to find out which ones. (All searches were done in Google using the Americanised ‘hypnotizing’ and limited to the first four results pages returned)-

Ducks There was nothing about mesmerising waterfowl, but I did get links to Buffy fanfic written by someone called Ducks, the Mighty Ducks and Scrooge McDuck.

Sheep I don’t know why I didn’t think of this one first. If you are going to shave your sheep you first need to hypnotise it, which is done by dancing the Lambada. (One of the most disturbing noises in nature is the sound of a sheep laughing.) In a nasty turn of events, the YuGiOh trading card game has A monstrous sheep with a long tail for hypnotizing enemies.

Goats Nothing on hypnotising goats. This is only right and proper as goats are so much smarter than sheep. A goat will escape from its field to go and have a look around, a sheep will escape so it can stand on the other side of the fence bleating that it wants let back in.

Pigeons A Pigeon Hypnotizing Machine has been suggested as a less expensive and more humane alternative to setting up anti pigeon turrets outside your bedroom window.

Rats Nothing for rats, apart from a suggestion that the Pied Piper was mesmerising them with the sound of his flute.

Lobster Hypnotising a lobster is not, whatever you may think, the most humane way to prepare it for boiling.

Dogs Small Yappy Dogs (Schnausers) can be hypnotised so their teeth can be cleaned without using anaesthetic.

Cats You wouldn’t think cats were susceptible, being such willful little buggers, but Nostradamus hypnotised them into jumping off bridges. They got their own back by breeding radioactive hypnotising kittens.

And, finally, How to hypnotise small lizards.


Click the image for the full picture

Once more into the hits log- with added commentary.
Searches that found me-
Dudley earthquake (or variations upon this) Earthquakes are good for business, I’ve had loads of people come to my site after this search. I think it’s a good time to mention all the earthquakes in Manchester this week.
GTA3 skins (including a large subset of GTA3 naked skins). I’m not sure how this one relates to me, but it’s second most popular one for finding me. I guess now that GTA3 is available for the PC it’s possible to make custom skins for the cars and characters.
Bay Blades This is either about a Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual rowing team or Bey Blades, which are groovy battling spinner game things.
how to jump rope basics naked Who thinks up these searches?
sultan of brunei’s car collection Here’s the article that comes out top of the search. The man has some wild cars.
umist beerfest 2002 Which I went to on Friday. Fun as ever. Random beerfest memories- finding the bar was so busy that the two people working it couldn’t keep up, I popped round and helped out, clearing the backlog so I could get served quicker- reunion with the exec members I worked with nine years ago- my beerfest song (Stupid Girl by Garbage) played without even having to request it [Beerfest ’95 or 96 I was more drunk than normal and dedicated it to my ex girlfriend]- Dave T declaring that he was going to get so drunk that he would become totally irresistable to women, but only reaching the point where he was ironically irresistable- having a discussion with Zoe about my favourite type of sheep [Jacobs, because thay have these cool horns you can grab onto and……… I’ll get my coat]
Sex Positions and “the corkscrew” Their emphasis quotations.
nell mcandrews naked It does work! No-one ever came here for Britney Spears naked, I guess I don’t get surfed by many canadians. The thing is, I don’t find Nell McAndrews that attractive, not even when she’s dressed up as Lara Croft.
“Maryland sniper” I’m glad for the people over there that it’s over, but I can guess that my friends the FReepers will be all over the fact that he converted to Islam.
beast sex clips Emily suggested I insert a sheep joke here, but after the Jacobs incident I’m not so sure. What is really wierd is that the link right after mine was to Georgeclooney.org
rubberised canvas supply uk ??????

And sites that bounced to me because we’re in the same rings-
Blueland, Digitalmayhem, Another Black Hole, A Clockwork Orange