The Male Pill

The BBC is reporting that scientist has discovered the necessary chemicals to stop men ejaculating sperm. apparently, the man’s fertility will return within a few days after he stops taking it.

UPDATE: Don’t forget, Ian’s brand of contraception is available from the Cafe Press Store, entitled “Must Not Mention Sheep”

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The genius sperm bank

Did this guy talk to my old English teacher?

Robert Klark Graham, inventor of the shatter-proof spectacle lens, was so worried that untermenschen “retrograde humans” were breeding too much that he set up a special sperm bank. This genetic repository would only hold the seed of geniuses.

Graham wanted to recruit the choicest sperm he could find. He initially convinced three Nobel Laureates to donate, including the notorious racist William Shockley. But elderly sperm – albeit eminent – was not good for freezing, so he decided to cast the net wider.

via Warren Ellis

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The Semen Book

I’ve started using Amazon’s beta Self Optimising Links to bring up relevant products in the banner and sidebar. So far so good. The post about Slayer Day brings up a list of Slayer albums and yesterday’s post about semen making you happy has some very interesting results. Including the simply titled The Semen Book.

Book Description
Did you know that human sperm is ejaculated at a speed of 17 km/h.? Or that ejaculate is pushed out in 0,8 second intervals? Or that the male orgasm, which usually lasts between 3 and 10 seconds, only in exceptional cases lasts longer than 15 seconds? Or that it is accompanied by an increase in heart frequency to 180 beats per minute, and that breathing can accelerate to 40 breaths per minute? Just about any question about semen, fertility, male sexual potency, and sexual physiology, is answered by Vivien Marx in this lively, informed and entertainingly written book. It is a book for men. It is a book for women. It is a reference book, a textbook, and a good read. If you ever wondered what the purpose of orgasm is, what determines the smell and colour of semen, wondered about delayed ejaculations – retrograde ejaculations, how best to look after testicles, how smoking, alcohol, drugs, stress and lifestyle affect potency and fertility, how environmental influences fertility, (are British men an endangered species?), about semen and disease – the unloved companions of the sperm cells, semen and criminology, the history of semen science, how semen is tested – you will find the answers to these and hundreds of other questions here. Of potential interest to everyone who walks into a bookshop. Meticulously researched and written in an entertaining and informative style. Sure to attract media attention. Timely book for the sexual health market.

I wonder what the Perfect Sex Toy post will bring up?

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The Da Vinci Load

For those few of you who can still get Spinneyhead at work- do not click on the links in this post.

You have been warned.

Fleshbot on upcoming Hustler release The Da Vinci Load

Operatives of the Priory of Semen, including penile profiler Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm. Determined to resurrect Da Vinci and overjoyed that the master’s sperm was not all “lost up a man’s ass”, they steal the painting and kill anyone who gets in their way.

This is already so much more believable than that whole Virgin Mary thing.

Having forced myself to read the book, I can’t think of anything better that could be done with it.

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Are they taking donations?

The Man Not Include New Life Centre in Bristol is being set up to provide fertility services specifically for lesbians and single women. Due to the way it is run it will get around the new donor rules and allow the fathers to maintain their anonymity.

I just had the vision of a FOAF or P2P style network for sperm donation- instead of Friendster let’s call it Wankster- where male volunteers enter all their characteristics on a database. A mum in waiting could then do a search on height, eye colour etc. and get back a list of results. The one(s) she chose would then get an order and could ship off the “product”. It’s sort of like file sharing, only with genes. Anonymity would be a tricky subject, unless the servers where the contact details are held were offshore somewhere.

Yes, before anyone puts it in the comments, I do need to get laid.