Marcus brought up the subject of hypnotising chickens last weekend. He described the Chalk Line Method, but there are actually Three Ways to Hypnotize a Chicken.
This is the sort of stuff they should teach you at school.
Monthly archives: November 2002
The Human Swiss Army Knife I used to carry around a load of practical stuff, just in case. This Frenchman has hit the high of 1300 tools. I never got beyond a couple of dozen.
It’s time to strap on the Leatherman again.
Via BoingBoing
Michael Moore is in London to promote Stupid White Men and Bowling for Columbine and opening up to the Guardian.
The guy has been one of my heroes since I discovered TV Nation. He explains why that series isn’t going to return and how, rather than becoming complacent, success allows him to be more radical-
But, he says, the money is about more than status. He leans close. “Back home we call it fuck-you money. OK? What that means is, the distributor of the film can’t ever say to me, ‘Don’t you dare say this in the interview or you better change that in the movie because if you don’t, you’re not going to get another movie deal.’ Because I already have my home and my family taken care of, and enough money from this film and book to make the next film, I’m able to say, ‘Fuck you.’ No one in authority can hold money over me to get me to conform.” |
I need some fuck-you money, where do I apply for fuck-you money?
Check down the left hand side and you will see shortcuts to the pictures I’m making available as photographic prints. that was another of the things on my To Do list.
Seeds–
Lensman felt less naked as the terrain became more hilly. Their blow to the railroad had been so major that he had decided to bypass the second target- the airfield of a despised deserter squadron- and return to the mountains. The third target, as it was on his route, he would hit in passing.
It was a larger bridge than the one they had sneaked under on their way out of the mountains, and guarded more heavily. Even the rocky riverbed was patrolled, which was going to make planting charges on the four wooden legs much harder.
They used tree cover to get as close as possible then watched for a pattern to emerge from the patrols. There were two guards at the north end of the bridge, two at the south and two underneath. At regular intervals one of the guards atop the bridge would walk down the embankment to relieve one of those below. It was so predictable that the guard being relieved would set off up at the same time as the other started down. This provided Kess with his window to take down a number of the guards at his leisure.
It was approaching dusk when the next change over began. Kess wasn�t taking any chances. The shot was at the extreme range of his baby long, so he was using his full size gun. The single guard in the riverbed was looking bored. �Now.� Whispered Mov.
The guard was thrown several spans by the bullet. Kess reloaded and shifted his aim. The new guard didn�t even have time to register the body on the ground before the bullet hit him.
In groups of two, they sneaked down the riverbed. Lensman led the demolition team, packing explosives around the bridge legs and counting his men through.
As Kess and Mov brought up the rear there was the sound of motors up the road, and a shout from above. Weak headlights, from far down the road, illuminated the riverbed and the two figures running across it. An autogun opened up from above.
Mov fell, and didn�t get up. He only moved when more bullets hit him. Kess stumbled, but made it under the cover of the parapet. He looked back at Mov, rolled onto his back and pointed his long rifle straight up. In the confined space the flash and report were shocking. The bullet smashed through the wooden decking and a moment later the guard�s body tumbled to the riverbed.
Lensman helped the younger man to stand. There was blood on Kess� right leg. The both looked back at Mov. �We have to leave him and get out of here.� From their positions upstream the rest of the squad was firing on the remaining guards. Kess nodded understanding and allowed his commander to help him move. The last man out pulled the pins from the fused bag charges.
The convoy had stopped far down the road, and troops were jumping from softskins. As yet they didn�t seem to have any heavy weapons to bring to bear. A squad ran onto the bridge to take up firing positions, just as the charges went off. Some of them made it back off before the structure toppled. It was a minor victory. Lensman�s squad was still outnumbered four to one. He began planning for a last stand.
A plan to give the Eden valley in Cumbria a broadband wireless network has secured funding. Now I just need enough money to move there. It’s not quite home, being a good hour and a bit drive from High Trees, but it’s countryside.
And it’s got 2Mbps web access!
Just a quick mention of carterusm.co.uk.
I received my copy of Ding Dong, the ‘official bootleg’ CD of the last Who’s The Daddy Now? tour on Monday. Cool.
You can get copies from the Abdoushop. If you’re not an old time Carter fan like me, or you weren’t there on one of the nights they were recording (Mean Fiddler), then you should probably start with one of the Abdoujaparov, Jim’s Super Stereoworld or old Carter albums first.
Seeds–
Boran had been marched out of his office by guards. He had expected to end up poisoned in the cellar or shot against the back wall. But Janssen had a different plan for him- a show trial.
A couple of the guards had beaten him during his first few hours in the cell. They hadn�t asked any questions or made any accusations- they were doing it to counter the boredom. One of them had ripped the Tower icon from around Boran�s neck, which had been worse than the anything else.
Janssen himself had come to explain the timetable for Boran�s shaming and eventual death. Documentary crews were coming from the south to film the trial of all the traitors serving in the cities of Cora and Munss. They would record testimony of how the traitors had undermined all Janssen�s good work, and why it was their fault so many of the city�s population had to die. Boran was to be the star of the charade. His father was an important figure in the party and Janssen�s sponsors would benefit from his suffering.
Boran had no warm feelings for his father. After they had left the twin cities his climb up the political hierarchy had begun. A child had been something he had no time for, and the boy had been bundled off to school. Political shame would be the only thing to bring Boran back to his father�s attention. Even then he would probably be sacrificed for career gain.
The cell had a window up near the roof. Boran couldn�t reach it to look out, but it did let in voice from the parade ground and cold damp wind straight off the fjord. Boran lay back on his cot, closed his eyes and sniffed the breeze. He could just about imagine himself standing on the edge of the cliffs staring down.
BBC NEWS | Listen, your desk is speaking for you My work desk is untidy and impersonal, as I don’t intend to be ther long. My ‘home office’ is a cluttered mess of comic book piles and paperwork.
I spent the weekend in Cambridge, where there is a small community of former raggies, visiting folks and going to a housewarming. Debauchery (well, drunkenness) and strangeness. I haven’t been to the city for eight years, the last time being to visit That Woman. Though I now know she lives in another country, I couldn’t shake that horrible paranoid feeling at first.
It’s an incredibly busy town, I guess the narrower streets pack everyone together to give a greater density of crowd, but at least cyclists seem to get a better deal. And they had higher quality cyclists, too, all those sexy student girls on bone shakers twice their age. Nice.
Seeds–
Most of Mirl�s crew had survived. As they feared, the top gunner had taken a bullet in the first strafing run. The tailgunner had disappeared along with his gun bubble when they had hit the forest canopy.
The wing had come to rest several hundred spans above the forest floor. The crew had moved around inside with great care, until it became obvious it was wedged fast. None of them were great climbers, and there were too many broken bones to move far yet. They unstowed the survival gear and set up camp inside the plane.
It rained the first night. From the shattered top bubble, Mirl watched the broken branches and loose leaves wash away and began planning. The next morning they hammered a pool in the metal of the wing.
They dismounted the autoguns from the wing mountings, hand cranked the bomb bay doors open and pointed them downwards. They brought the bombs into the main cabin and gouged the explosives from them. The bombardier modified the fuses of tracer bullets to make bomblets- it took his mind off his shattered left leg.
Eventually someone would come looking for them. The Air Army, to rescue them, or the Hidden Army, to desecrate their bodies and strip the wing of the components. In the latter case, they were ready to fight and, in the last resort, immolate themselves and the plane through explosives planted in the last of the fuel supply.
A few more must reads I’ll be ordering in the next couple of weeks- The Eagle’s Shadow by Mark Hertsgaard All about how the rest of the world sees America, and how this differs from what America thinks of itself.
Why Do People Hate America by Ziauddin Sardar, Merryl Wynn Davis Pretty obvious what that one’s about.
The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Greg Palast True investigative journalism into how super rich interest groups are running th epoliticians on both sides of the Atlantic.
On the subject of which- the Republicans won. That makes me very, very, very afraid.
Quite a long chunk of Seeds tonight. I’m trying to bring some of the tales that have been running through part one to a close. Occasionally this takes a little longer.
Seeds–
Every other boat was a former battle craft. They had even come across a tracked amphibious thing that ferried people back and forth across the river. They took their cues from these craft and decorated theirs to match.
The shoreline was naked of trees, but not of industrial litter. Oil drums, both collapsible and rigid, were stacked up with old tyres, track segments and whole abandoned vehicles. The few green shoots became ever rarer as the air became more polluted. They took to covering their mouths with cloth and shielding their eyes with goggles.
�What could produce this much toxic air?� Marra wondered.
�Reff.� Dack told her, �It is a city dedicated to refining and processing the resources they strip from the plains and forests.�
The city came at them suddenly, appearing from its own haze. There were docks and warehouses and beyond them a great barrier of smokestacks and soot. They found a decrepit little jetty and landed. �I believe I have found my mission.� Morn announced as he alighted.
�Here? But there could be more deserving downstream. What about my country?� Marra asked.
�To take back your country you need more men like Dack and fewer like me. Even on your own you have the strength to do the job. It is my task to help the truly helpless.�
There was movement at the shore end of the jetty. Small figures resolved from the murk. They were all armed, some with spears taller than themselves. Two taller figures came towards the boat. As they drew nearer they were revealed as identical twins, each with the build of a wrestler. Identical but for one detail- one had a red crescent tattooed down the right side of his face, the other the left.
�Off are jetty!� proclaimed Left. For all his size he was very young, perhaps no more than a year past hairing.
�I would like to enter Reff.�
�Nothing in Reff but death.� Right announced.
�Perhaps I could help. Can I speak with your parents?�
Left laughed at that. A nasty laugh with hints of violence. �Our parents are dead.� Right announced.
�You are orphans?�
�We are all.� Left gestured at the little figures.
Right had come to a decision. �We fight. You win, you pass. You lose�..� He addressed this to Dack, then studied Marra, considering her his prize.
�Very well.� Morn stepped forward. Marra kept Dack from protesting. �You fight me. If I win, you will take me into the city. If I lose, we shall get in our boat and sail away.�
That wasn�t the prize that Left wanted, but he was ready for a fight now. Besides, he was nearly three whole spans taller than this little man and one span taller than the dark one and the woman. �Both of us.� He announced. It was supposed to unnerve his opponent, but the little man simply nodded and smiled.
Marra and Dack took steps back. They could jump into the boat and get weapons if needed. Left stepped forward, relishing the bone popping noises he would soon hear. He lunged at Morn.
And went straight over him. Morn had ducked under his attacker�s arms and dropped to the floor. He jabbed at the boy�s groin and levered him into a cartwheel by the ankle. Left landed on his face, pivoting about it onto his back.
Morn bounced back up, ready to defend against Right�s attack. This youngster was more wary than his brother. He tried jabbing punches. Morn dodged them, tapping at nerve clusters until the boy found his legs wouldn�t respond and he fell sideways.
Some of the smaller figures raised their spears. Left was forcing himself up, he waved them to stop. Morn was ready for another attack, though there would not be much to it. �No one beat me before.� Left complained, �Show me how.�
�Maybe one day. Your brother will recover in a little while. When he does, perhaps you can show me where you all live.�
Left nodded agreement. He waved the little ones to come closer. �Our tribe. You have belongings?�
Marra and Dack passed items up from the boat. Morn passed some of them back. The little ones picked up the treasure as it was piled up, ready to carry it back to their hideout.
Finally, Marra and Dack came onto the jetty to say their farewells. �It has been an honour to share time on the river with you.� Marra announced.
�And with you.� They clasped hands and bowed until their foreheads touched.
Dack and Morn bowed to each other without touching. �May we meet again.� Dack said.
�Indeed. There are great things coming. Perhaps we will be part of them.� Morn joined the tribe of juveniles and walked off into the grime.
Heavensent is made of a material called Pykrete. The wood pulp binds the ice in such a way as to keep it from smashing. I first heard about it in this short story.
Seeds–
�We have a block of cells on this level. But mostly it is just for stores.�
�Cells?�
�Heavensent avoided the major trade routes, but still came across the occasional boat or castaway. They were questioned, then kept in their cells.�
�It would be more efficient to kill them.� Reed suggested.
�That would be against the mariners� code, apparently.� Serena shrugged, �And none of them were combatants. They will be released when the mission is over.�
�How far down are we?� Jay asked, �We must be under water by now.�
�Almost certainly. Most of Heavensent is below the waterline. Because of the way it was built, every block is different. It is hard to estimate how far down we have actually gone.� Serena�s tour had gone on for a long time. They were now beyond loosened up and into footsore. �Below here are the engine rooms and refrigeration plant. You would not be interested in those. I know I am not. Come, your quarters should be ready by now.�
�The refrigeration units keep the ice frozen?� Jay had found an exposed piece of wall and was scraping off frozen mush. �And that is all this ship is? Ice and wood pulp.�
�That is all. It is almost indestructible, unsinkable- obviously- and even without the refrigeration units it would take an age to melt.�
�You know an awful lot about the vessel.�
�I had a meal with the inventor. The other officers say he just came out of the forest one day with this plan and a manner that had everyone believing him.�
�A holy man?� Reed wished the awe in his voice hadn�t been so obvious.
�Yes. I did not believe in them either. I thought it was just a cult drawn around the occasional genius. But, no, holy men exist.�
�The Silver Tower?� asked Jay.
�He would not talk of it, but I believe the Silver Tower is real as well.�