Nine million pounds will get you a hideous painting entitled “King Barack“

Six million will get you “Best of British“, a “pisse” of art painted with the artist’s dick. In their defence, half of the sale will go to Cancer Research.

Real art costs a lot less, with a Dali lithograph selling for just over a million pounds.

In the Antiques section fifteen grand gets you a Russian orthodox wooden painted icon.

The most expensive book is a first edition of The Hobbit at eight thousand pounds.

Two hundred and forty grand will get you a catamaran. two point four million secures an Aerocar, or sixty grand will get you a decommissioned Sea Harrier.

And that’s just the first few categories. Does anyone want to lend me six million so I can own a pisse of art?