• Category Archives silly
  • Manborg

    From the YouTube description-

    Manborg is a creative and hilarious love letter to a VHS sub culture. Perhaps it has limited appeal to only those who know what we mean when we refer to a top loader. Perhaps those weened on a diet of CGI will fail to understand the beauty and static grace of stop animation.

    Kostanski didn’t make Manborg for the masses but he has openly expressed his love of this sub-genre of cinema for everyone to see.

    He made Manborg for those of us who lived and breathed it in our youths and it was a welcome trip down memory lane and a rocking good time.


  • You have the right to be what we tell you to be

    I discovered Richard Carvath in the run up to the election. I’ve been following him, and fellow self righteous bigot Stewart Cowan, on and off ever since because they can be amusing, In a face-palming I-can’t-believe-anyone-can-be-that-stupid kind of a way. I started writing about them here because arguing with them on their own blogs was a waste of good material I should be sharing with my readers. I hope it has kept you amused. However, it may be time for some of Carvath’s family members to perform an intervention. It’s possible he’s finally slipped over the edge.

    Carvath is so proud that the Conservative Party taking his money and sending him a card that he has invented a group called STRAYTory (formerly straightory, which had, for about ten minutes, a blogspot blog here. Apparently-

    STRAYTory is the group of social conservatives which campaigns for LGBT rights – specifically the right of LGBT people to go STRAYT.

    Which might sound menacing if it wasn’t coming from someone who looks like Mr. Bean’s embarrassing nephew.

    STRAYTory’s equally made up leader Jemima Babesworth (given Carvath’s fascination with all things homosexual, surely Jemima Beard would have been more appropriate) has invited him to be a bit of rough for a party full of posh totty and he just can’t wait. I’ve done a basic check on all this- Googling the organisation, Ms. Babesworth and the location of the supposed party- and got no results.

    It wouldn’t be too much to conclude that Carvath now lives in his own fantasy world, where he’s being revered as a God-loving heterosexual hero. Perhaps he’ll stage the special party all by himself and post pictures of himself in a room full of primly dressed Real Dolls gurning joyfully. Or maybe he won’t last that long and will be found wandering through Salford with a bedsheet as a toga declaiming on the sins of fornication and homosexual-perversion before October’s out. I did tell him months ago that he needed help. He should have listened to me.

    More likely, just, is that this is all a jape, an attempt to satirise the Conservative’s gay group LGBTory. I’m not sure how the satire’s meant to be working. Maybe I need to be a Tory, or Richard Carvath, to understand the subtle points he’s making.

    There is a third possibility. Perhaps it’s all an elaborate I’m Still Here style confection, and Richard Carvath doesn’t exist at all. He’s just a character being played by an actor and it’s all about recording the reactions to this bizarre and unlikeable character and his descent into delusion. If that’s the case then I have to congratulate the actor on his convincing portrayal of a gullible and bewildered homophobe/closet case.

    Or maybe this shadowy organisation really exists and is operating behind pseudonyms and with great secrecy. Perhaps it won’t be long until gangs of Tory men, determined to prove their heterosexuality, roam through towns shouting “You have the right to be STRAYT!” at any well dressed men or women with short hair.

    I’m going to have nightmares now.


  • The United Kingdom Gravity Sports Association

    Every so often I get the urge to build a go-kart (the unpowered type, AKA a soapbox racer) and find a hill to speed down. It must hark back to sledging and plastic bagging down hills in my youth.

    It turns out there is an association for people who race down hills with only gravity to power their rides. The UKGSA is our local chapter of the International Gravity Sports Association and officiates over race meetings in these isles. There are several different ways you can speed down hill. I’m not brave or foolish enough to want to get on a skateboard or street luge, and even gravity bikes are scary to me (though I could rustle up most of the parts for one from stuff lying around the flat), I want something with four wheels and a roll cage. Though not something as complex as the rides put together by Formula Gravity. And, remembering the sledging and plastic bagging again, I’d quite like to run my soapbox off road……


  • Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable. Perfect, but blue

    Do you have a thousand dollars to put towards creating the perfect hi-fi/home cinema system? Yes? Then start with the cable. Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable starts from $999.99 for a refurbished one. That’s less than a dollar per millimetre, it has to be good value.

    Of course, on Amazon the real test of how good a product is comes in the customer comments. The AKDL1 has 377 comments, with strong showings for both 1 star and 5. From the 1 star reviews, Harmless Gryphon from “Nowhere worth mentioning” has this to say-

    I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn’t have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me – all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed “play,” and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.

    But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.

    If only it had been a different colour.

    The cable is so perfect it tends to warp time and space. Matthew’s problem-

    Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I’m still having a major existential hangover.

    Would not purchase again.

    Pales a little when compared to that of John L, communicating from “Border of Wasteland, Former USA”

    This connection isn’t sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something… happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.

    I don’t have much time. This connection isn’t sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be–

    The 5 star reviews should be better, but still tend to show up certain problems. “A Customer” writes-

    This seemingly underwhelming bit of wire, shrouded in a strange material gave off a strange aura when i stood near. A quick vision from God later and i knew i had to assassinate John Lennon using the mystical powers held within. I was disappointed to see however, after a quick Google search that John Lennon is already dead. His life stolen no doubt, by the previous owner of the very same cable i had come to posses.

    A friend of mine also bought this on ebay where it was described as ‘Blue Cable’. The vague description suggested that he would be in receipt of the worst kind of Pornography through his TV but instead he recieved ‘a blue cable’. Disappointed, he used its strong sheathing to hang himself outside Hugh Hefner’s house to drive home his pain.

    Cyberdan says-

    I usually make quite good choices in life, however, not reading the manual or taking the 3 day training seminar in Oxnard, CA before trying to install this work of art was not one of them. Once I powered up my system, I realized that I had inadvertently hooked up the wrong ends to the wrong components. I don’t need to explain to any of you that the immediate reversal of my local gravity created quite a mess (it was pizza night of course). I had to replace every component in my system (not to mention a broken collar bone). The only exception was one well-made cable. Since that day, it has preformed flawlessly.

    And Seblick gets technical-

    As a cable it is without peer. Flux measurements at the terminus indicate a 5 by 5 Higgs Boson toroidal equivilence at a 570-degree rotation!
    The parallel interspace coiling does result in a break-in period that measures close to 70,000 hours, but adjusting your frame-decoupling VMDRW box to the negative Kardza-Chu mode can reduce the time significantly.
    Negatives expressed about this cable in other reviews are the result of failure to appreciate transcendence and purity of being that is rare in the cabling industry.

    (As a post-script, I have noticed a “muddiness” in piano music between 9500 and 11200 hz.)

    Whilst “Trevor McDave” expolains how mere mortals can afford it-

    I’m sure I don’t need to explain that this is an amazing cable. Half of the advanced technology is only there to prevent the other half from creating a black hole through sheer awsomeness. The problem is, I’m sure most people who view this page are just left wondering how they, mere mortals, can afford it. Well, I will explain how I managed it, and through this technique you can soon have a Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable of your very own.

    Go to the nearest drawer, or a similarly convenient place. If you do the following steps correctly, you should find a piece of paper with details of a bank account in your name. Use this account to order the cable from Amazon.

    When it arrives, connect one end to a helmic regulator and the other to a time rotor. Make sure you follow the directional arrows. Remember, the signal goes from the helmic regulator to the time rotor, never the other way around. Then, using mere ordinary cables, connect the helmic regulator to a dimensional stabiliser and a computer keyboard. If you can’t find a helmic regulator, time rotor and dimensional stabiliser, a potato, an aardvark and a tin of spam should do. The AKDL1 will warp reality and turn them into the components you need. You should now have a basic but fully-working time and space machine. In case you’re wondering, there is no need for zeiton crystals. The device should power itself from the primal energies of the universe generated as a by-product of the AKDL1.

    The next step is to go back a few centuries and place a large sum of money in a savings account. Upon your return to the present, compound interest should mean the account contains enough money to afford the Denon AKDL1, and maybe have a few pennies left over besides. Finally, write the details of the account on a piece of paper, go back a couple of days, and leave it in the drawer for your past self to find.

    A word of warning, though. Never reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. If you do, the AKDL1 will obtain sentience, almost godlike powers, and an appetite for destruction. And that means trouble, believe me (hence the missing star).

    I have to stop now, or I’ll spend the rest of the day reading silly reviews for a ludicrously expensive bit of wire.


  • Would you trust Benedict brand condoms?

    A junior civil servant has been “put on other duties” after distributing a memo with some silly, and quite funny, suggestions for events to mark Pope Benedict’s visit to the UK in September.

    The Foreign Office has apologised for a “foolish” document which suggested the Pope’s visit to the UK could be marked by the launch of “Benedict” condoms.

    Called “The ideal visit would see…”, it said the Pope could be invited to open an abortion clinic and bless a gay marriage during September’s visit.

    …..

    The document went on to propose the Pope could apologise for the Spanish Armada or sing a song with the Queen for charity.

    It listed “positive” public figures who could be made part of the Pope’s visit, including former Prime Minister Tony Blair and 2009 Britain’s Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle, and those considered “negative”, such as Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney and prominent atheist Richard Dawkins.

    If anyone should be apologising at the moment it should be the Catholic church, for so many things I won’t even start listing them.


  • Attack of the dancing robots

    The Sony Rolly is an egg shaped mp3 player that dances. And has flashing lights. That you can program with your own moves and choreograph its dances. Then you can upload your moves to Sony to share with others. It’s realy good at confusing cats.

    It’s incredibly silly and gimmicky and… and I want one. I have no reason to, but I really want one. I think the appeal’s been built into the design, and I suspect there’s some evil aspect to this. When the Rolly population reaches a critical mass the order will come down from SkyNet and suddenly your cute little mp3 player will sprout blades, crank up Ride of the Valkyries and start chasing you through post apocalyptic junkyards (or old quarries, depending upon the budget).

    You can get your Sony Rolly from Amazon, though at the moment there’s just the one available and it’s listed at well over the recommended price because of its rarity.