I want a Nobody Knows I’m A Lesbian T-shirt, as available at Afflecks. (Actually, it’s not really a secret. I’ve always, and I hope no-one’s offended when I say this, but…. I’ve always been attracted to women. I mean, I must be a lesbian, right?)

Little Hedonist got one of these T-shirts and she had a hell of a night.

Everyone walking by is laughing. Or smiling. Or chuckling. Or talking. Or pointing. Some people do double-takes and/or accidentally trip down the street. It feels good to make people happy and amuse them. But at least they don’t know that I’m a lesbian. NOBODY KNOWS I’M A LESBIAN.