If I ever get a motorcycle licence (mid-life crisis?) it’ll probably be so I can buy a Harley- one hundred years old next week.

I used to work for the world’s biggest liar, who had won the competition three times (well, that’s what he said, but would you believe the world’s biggest liar?) One of his winning lies was that Sellafield’s (then) new plant was being mispronounced Thorp. The letters on the side of the bulding weren’t T.H.O.R.P for Thermal Oxide Reprocessing Plant, but T.H.D.R.P for Thermal Dragon Reproduction Plant. Either way, it’s to be decommissioned, having never lived up to promises.

When the highest French court banned dwarf tossing, it put Manuel Wackenheim out of a job. The former tossee appealed, and eventually took his case to the UN’s Human Rights and Anti-Discriminational Committee. They wouldn’t overturn the ruling, so the poor little bugger’s still unemployed.

Jess Lemon is back, reviewing a book that’s superior to all the superhero stuff she’s been down on so far. Still can’t bring herself to praise it absolutely though.

Download my novels now, because viable e-book readers are another step closer.

The Beatles, Paperback Writer

I’ll probably cave in and go to work on Tuesday, simply because I need the money. I wish I could just can it, because they don’t deserve any level of loyalty from me.

Friday was not a good day. I missed my ulcer medication and the little bastard was in full swing all day. I told my manager about the Graphic Design course and got the response I expected. No matter that my job is so shite and banal that I’d get just as much done in five hours as in the forty they demand from me, I have to turn up for my mandated soul destroying five days a week, nine to gone five or else some sort of character conflict will cause the office to go into meltdown. So they’ll let me go if that’s okay.

Then I discovered what I’ll have to do if I do make it in. I’ll be covering for queen bee of the clerical support staff. Upon having the job fully explained to me I wanted to cry, it was so stupid. I could replace her with a few hundred lines of VBA and some Outlook rules. I’m not allowed to, of course, because if I don’t check and update this spreadsheet three times a day until the drool dribbles down my chin then the world is going to stop spinning on its axis and we don’t want that.

By the end of the day I wanted to break something. I haven’t felt so much like screaming in a very long time. This sort of shit is exactly why I want to change direction.

Okay, I’ll stop ranting now.

Round one of the Fox News versus Al Franken lawsuit has gone, rightly, Franken’s way.

TO ALL CURRENT STAFFERS AT SPINNEYHEAD.CO.UK:

Following the purchase of Spinneyhead.com by Johnnytheo, all current staff of Team Spinneyhead are being offered SENIOR MANAGEMENT POSITIONS at the brand spanking new SPINNEYHEAD.COM. This will mean salary increases, the opportunity to drive content forward, develop closer relationships with the blogging public and choose your title and responsibilities.

The new website will be loosely based on the familiar outline known and loved by many, but this could be your chance to captain the ship without collecting 12% of readership and forcing a management recall!!!!

PLEASE REPLY TO THIS OFFER NO LATER THAN 26TH AUGUST 2003.

Johnnytheo.com has purchased the domain rights to Spinneyhead.com!!!!!

We plan to launch merchandising endeavors shortly unless the management team at spinneyhead decide to buy the rights….

Well, Spinneyhead, whats the offer?????

lets see. Anyone have any comments on what type of content to put on the freshly purchased spinneyhead.com domain?

Daz now has a fortnight to find another job. My good news about the Graphic Design course was greeted exactly as expected. What they want is a full time drone, not a part time genius.

The thing is, I would never have heard of the Dixie Chicks if it hadn’t been for the Right Wing cries that they should be shut up. I certainly wouldn’t have listened to their songs and been tempted to pick up an album. It’s a shame so many of their original fan base feels the need to disown them and behave like the stereotyped moronic rednecks you expect to listen to Country music. In the ‘Land of the Free’ no-one should be threatened for exercising their First Amendment rights. But, after all the trouble and the strife, the Chicks seem to be doing quite well, thank you.

“We play both types of music here. Country, and Western.”

Dixie Chicks, Long Time Gone

With the demolition party destroyed and the supporting troops in disarray, the defenders of the Straight came out in force. Smoke from the burning buildings confused matters and confounded the snipers, but strike teams found they could outflank the attackers down the narrow alleys that ran parallel to the boulevard.

Shara’s squad were granted a reprieve. They had achieved so much in their one attack that it was time others were allowed to grab some glory. They fell back through the side doors and alleys all the way to the command centre.

The girl, Tenna, and a number of others were tended by medics. Tenna had a blistering scar running diagonally down her back, where her clothes had caught fire, that hurt a lot more than she wanted to admit. Such denial was common in the hospital rooms, where even the hopeless talked of the great victory to come. Shara left her squad clustered around their new heroine and went searching for Aurile.

She wandered the halls. The old administrative building was busy again with a different kind of organisation. Grand old desks had been turned into operating tables and filing cabinets were as likely to contain weapons stashes as paperwork. The command centre had been set up in the old debating hall. Aurile was laying out strategies and their possible repercussions, all culled from his vast knowledge base. He nodded at Shara as she entered, they wandered into a corner. “Your attack was a great success. Did it cost much?”

“Three dead and four wounded. I turned some children into killers.”

“We were naive to expect some sort of utopia without conflicts. Things weren’t supposed to run for so long without intervention.”

“No….”

“This battle would be on without us here. It’s our best chance to head North. And there was never any directive against intervention.”

The windows rattled as a single engined plane flew low over the building. Despite themselves they both ducked. Aylo ran into the room. “They are bringing heavy artillery up. We should move to another building just in case.” He began gathering up the maps. More planes passed overhead.

Careful with that Word document. Metadata can let on more than you’d like.

via Marcus

Some articles just sound stupid from the moment they start. In the Times Irwin Stelzer argues that America is vastly superior to Europe because the Europeans, fools that we are, have a healthy work/life balance whilst those clever Americans let themselves be exploited into long hours and minimal holidays for corporations that will export their jobs abroad just as soon as possible.

It’s hard to think where to start on the arrogance of his argument so, randomly; bigger is not better, bigger is just bigger. He’s only talking about the middle class, because, of course, the middle class are the only people who count when you talk about wage earners aren’t they? Is a whole country of people who are dedicated to the grind and instant gratification but incapable of thinking long term or of the effects of their actions really such a good thing?