Ho Ho Owwww! Risk of penile fractures rises at Christmas

This article made me wince several times, so it’s only fair that I share the pain. Ti’s the season, and all that.

I’m single, so I guess I’m safe from the risk of this happening. 🙂 🙁 :-S

Risk of penile fractures rises at Christmas, doctors find | Christmas | The Guardian

Animals are such a bunch of wankers

Sorry. (Not sorry.)

The author of the linked article did a meta study of research into animal (mostly primate) masturbation, and posited some theories on how it could have evolved as an aid to procreation and sexual health.

So onanism isn’t a sin. But expect the religious right to start protesting zoos if this gets enough coverage.

Don’t Think About The Children

It comes as no surprise that a Tory led moral panic about sex education has led to a report stuffed with recommendations that would only make things worse. As the article below suggests, we’d be better off listening to kids about this than paying attention to narrow minded fools.

Did clitorises strike fear into the Greeks and Romans?

Normally, I try to come up with my own titles for links, but this one worked as click-bait for me, so I’m using it on you.

I’m on my lunch break at work, so I won’t think too hard about the clitoris, just point you to an article about how it was thought of in antiquity.

Giving good Motörhead 1

A few years ago, Motörhead gave their name to a bunch of earphones and headphones. Which seems logical enough. I work for a hifi shop, and put several of the ‘phones onto the website.

I doubt I’ll be doing listings for their latest piece of branding. The band has teamed up with online sex toy shop Lovehoney to release a brand of sex toys, each named for one of their songs. There’s no information in the report of which songs and what type of toys- that’ll be announced later this month- so feel free to make your best Ace of Spades puns.

(It should come as no surprise that the links above go to rude places. You have been warned, if you hadn’t already guessed.)

Source: Motörhead Gets Its Own Sex Toy Collection From Lovehoney

Perfectly modern sex toys

Just over a decade ago, I polled the Spinneyhead extended family and we came up with a list of features to build into the perfect sex toy. I never got around to creating said toy (or toys, some of the features were mutually exclusive), but a surprising number of the suggestions have been incorporated into toys which are now available, such as this high-tech selection that Wired has had a look at.

Feel-good graphene condom development to be funded by the Gates Foundation (Wired UK)

The future of condoms could come from Manchester! Okay, the intention- improved sexual health, particularly in the developing world- is serious, but it’s hard not to make funnies about condom research.

With all the students in town, it shouldn’t be hard to get volunteers to test them out. (I think I did it again.)

Feel-good graphene condom development to be funded by the Gates Foundation (Wired UK).

With this ring I thee shag

From sex toy shop Lovehoney- a, hopefully, tongue in cheek celebration of the upcoming royal wedding.

Issued to celebrate the forthcoming wedding of His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales to Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, this limited edition Commemorative Royal Wedding Ring is cast in a deep royal blue silicone and features a delightful raised motif reminiscent of crowns of regency past. Rejoice in a very special union of your own.

True craftsmanship is called for when a special moment is to be celebrated. Designed by professional artists, this expertly crafted regal love ring is a classic collectable to cherish.

Featuring a modern depiction of the Union Flag of the United Kingdom and an iconic image of the royal couple, this elegantly presented ring manages to be pleasurably patriotic as well as stylish.

Seize the opportunity to celebrate the much anticipated royal event of a generation with this exclusive and timeless piece of memorabilia.

This limited edition commemorative love ring can be yours, exclusively at Lovehoney.

Yes, a Wills and Kate monogrammed patriotic vibrating cock ring. Expect these to turn up in episodes of Car Booty in twenty years time and be ready to pity the person who still has a mint in box version.

Lovehoney also sell these very masculine masturbation aids

And these very Japanese ones


The baby had been left on his doorstep in a basket from Tesco, wrapped in a blanket and wearing warm clothes. A folded sheet of paper stuck down the side of the baby had ‘Test yourself’ written on it. Unfolded, it had a dna sequence printed on it.

“It matches.” the doctor announced after running tests on the baby and him.

“There’s no way that baby could be mine. I haven’t had sex in two years. And I still talk to her. She’d have told me.”

“That’s not what I mean.” the doctor sighed, “The baby’s dna is a perfect match for the sheet found in the basket.”

“Well of course it is.”

“And so is yours.”


“The baby is you. You’ve been cloned.”

Girls are dirty. I like that

On the left is a breakdown of same sex experiences and desires amongst women on dating site okcupid who described themselves as straight. Over half of them have had, or want to have, a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex.

Ladies, I salute you.

The guys are letting the side down by comparison (right pie chart). Come on boys, get your thumbs (and other bits) out. (In the interest of full disclosure, I fall into the 7% slice of this pie.)

People who’ve signed up to a dating site are a self selecting bunch as far as the deeper meaning of these statistics go. They’re likely to be a bit more adventurous than the general population. However, I think these pie charts illustrate the wonderful fluidity of human sexuality. It’s far more varied, and fun, than the homophobes would have us believe.

The pie charts were taken from this interesting post about statistical differences between gay and straight members of okcupid.

via Ben Goldacre’s twitter feed.

What are perversion activities, and where can I get some 2

My post a fortnight ago “How To Say Nothing With Numbers” generated a bit of a comment thread as the subject of the post- wannabe politician Richard Carvath- dropped in to prove that he couldn’t understand my point. He’s quite good at repeating his claims over and over after they’ve been shown up and then declaring it a victory. When he stopped doing that he did say a couple of things which deserve some closer inspection.

Carvath is adamant that only 1% of the population is gay. I used this figure in my calculations as well as the old “1-in-10” to get a spread of figures for take up of civil partnerships. The true pink percentage is somewhere between those two figures- different polling techniques in different countries return widely varying results. Carvath sticks to his 1% and implies that as they’re only a hundredth of the population homosexuals are too insignificant a minority to be listened to or to have equal rights extended to. Never mind that it’s how we behave toward the minorities, rather than constantly favouring the majority, which shows how good or bad we are as a society, Carvath is on very shaky ground when he starts dismissing small segments of the population. He describes himself as a “Hebraic evangelical Christian”. I’m not at all sure what that is, and Googling it doesn’t help. A strict search for that exact phrase returns one result (maybe two now). I’m not sure that being a Googlewhack counts as a religion. Maybe he can be put into the “Other Christian” denomination in the breakdown of British denominations, which would make the group he’s affiliated to 0.4% of the population. An insignificant minority, by Carvath’s standards, not worth paying attention to. However, as I’m not him, I don’t think we should limit their ability to marry.

More interesting, though, is a phrase that Carvath started using toward the end of the thread. Apparently, gay couples can’t marry because they’re not sexually compatible. All they can manage are “perversion activities”. Colour me intrigued. These perversion activity things sound quite interesting. What are they, exactly? I asked, but he wasn’t forthcoming with definitions. I really want to know, can anyone tell me what on earth Richard Carvath means when he goes on about “perversion activities”? Suggestions in the comments please.

Can’t Get Out Of Bed- naughty dollhouse furniture

For anyone who thinks that their dollhouse is a little too clean comes this subtle but dirty bed. Slip it into the main bedroom of your 1:12th scale dollhouse to hint at the rude goings on when the full size folks aren’t watching or put it on a shelf somewhere as a sign of what you’d like to do.

There may be more naughty dollhouse furniture in the future, and it will probably be less subtle.

links for 2010-09-03

  • Mojowijo is a teledildonic accessory for the Nintendo Wiimote, which is somewhat ironic given the console’s family-friendly reputation. The device, currently in private beta, is very simple: You hook the hardware components to two Wiimotes. Wiggling and thrusting on the first remote are detected and sent via Bluetooth to a nearby PC (you don’t need the actual Wii itself).

    From there, your movements are sent over the internet and reproduced by a vibrator on the other Wiimote, allowing a remote partner to enjoy your stimulations. Amusingly, the product page touts these teledildonics as just one possibility: the others are sharing the game with someone in the same room, or using the device on yourself.

    (tags: sextoy)
  • Their grip on the region is now so tight that Riviera detectives expect an eastern connection to almost every crime.

    “Everything from burglary and money laundering to vice is controlled by the Mob from former Communist countries,” said one police officer, who was involved in the arrest of 69 members of a Georgian syndicate in March.

    Although most of the arrests of members have been in Spain, the gang’s nerve centre, many of the bosses now have luxury villas on France’s Mediterranean coast, and foot soldiers work for them, flying out for set period before returning home with their profits.

    “They’re into everything, from the Russian prostitute rings in resorts like Cannes and St Tropez to gassing tourists in their villa and stealing everything they’ve got,” said the police officer.

    (tags: crime)
  • A Ministry of Defence scientist died following a blast during top secret explosives tests which were inappropriately planned and appeared to be inadequately organised, an inquest jury ruled today.

    Jurors made a number of criticisms of the trial in which Terry Jupp, 46, of Hatfield, Hertfordshire, was involved at a testing station near Shoeburyness, Essex, in August 2002, following an inquest in Southend, Essex.

    They concluded that: planning and risk assessment had not been appropriate; a small scale test could have been carried out in advance; adequate regard was not paid to personal protective equipment; and they said communication and organisation at the trials appeared inadequate.

    (tags: research)
  • This chopped '32 gluebomb body on stock Revell rails is going to need the rear Z'd, and we're going to do the front at the same time. The procedure is basically the same. It's usually a good idea to plan where your Z will start, and this one in front is going to start exactly at the firewall. In a real car, this is really the best place. It's easiest to use this particular technique if you make the Z where the top and bottom of the rails are parallel.
    (tags: model)
  • Machete strikes a bloody blow for B-movie revivalists Friday, when Robert Rodriguez unveils his timely gore fest about an ex-Federale caught up in a nasty anti-immigrant conspiracy.

    The picture, which stars ex-convict actor Danny Trejo in the title role alongside genre queens Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, expands on a fake trailer initially featured on Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's 2007 Grindhouse double bill.

    It's the latest homage to exploitation films and B movies, the low-budget cinematic spectacles fueled by sex, violence and vulgarity that attract cult audiences and have proven surprisingly influential over the years.

    To explore the most outrageously fun movies ever made, we went straight to the experts who pick films for genre blowouts like Fantastic Fest and the Another Hole in the Head Film Festival. We also tossed in some picks from grindhouse connoisseur Tarantino and threw in a few favorites of our own.

    (tags: film)
  • A rare German wartime bomber which was discovered on a sandbank 70 years after it was shot down during the Battle of Britain is to be raised, it was announced today.

    The twin-engined Dornier 17 first emerged from Goodwin Sands, a ten-mile long sandbank off the coast of Deal, Kent, two years ago, a spokesman for the RAF Museum said.

    Since then, the museum has worked with Wessex Archaeology to complete a full survey of the wreck site, usually associated with shipwrecks, before the plane is recovered and eventually exhibited as part of the Battle of Britain Beacon project.

    (tags: WW2)
  • A lonely island in the middle of the South Atlantic conceals Charles Darwin's best-kept secret.

    Two hundred years ago, Ascension Island was a barren volcanic edifice.

    Today, its peaks are covered by lush tropical "cloud forest".

    What happened in the interim is the amazing story of how the architect of evolution, Kew Gardens and the Royal Navy conspired to build a fully functioning, but totally artificial ecosystem.

    By a bizarre twist, this great imperial experiment may hold the key to the future colonisation of Mars.

  • Rivals to the iPad have been unveiled as the IFA tech show gets underway in Berlin. Samsung's Galaxy Tab and Toshiba's Folio 100 run on the Android 2.2 operating system.

    It allows the mini computers without keyboards to play flash video – the most popular format in the world. But their sizes also set them apart from the iPad as BBC Technology Correspondent Rory Cellan-Jones found out.