How much cow would you like?
Originally uploaded by spinneyhead.
Casa Spinneyhead word of the moment. We’ve been watching Buffy series 5 you see. No, really, it does explain it.
I, naturally, think it’s the sort of word you’d find in Victorian porn–
“Her firm round buttocks were effulgent from the whip’s caress.”
“My taut manhood was effulgent.”
That sort of thing.
I’ll get me dirty coat……..
Update It’s challenge Ian time! I may have a talent for writing Victorian porn stylee sentences, but let’s check. Throw me a word, preferably well out of common usage, and I’ll see if I can insert it into a line that would have our forefathers (and mothers) getting all hot under the collar.
My exciting job currently involves looking at lots of sheets of paper with foreign writing on them and trying to divine a meaning. There’s a lot of stuff being filed under ?
I’m currently checking out stuff from Asia, and I’ve been struck by just how pretty some written languages are. My current favourite is Sinhala, the majority language of Sri Lanka. You’ve got to love a language with letters that look like cartoon buttocks or ivy leaves.
I wouldn’t really consider myself an arse man, at least, no more than I’m a breast man. I find that the whole package is much more attractive and interesting than the sum of its parts.
Having got the New Man disclaimer out of the way, I have to admit it was the lewd connotations that first drew me to Zoe Williams’ deconstruction of bum culture, which takes the battle of the celebrity buttocks as a starting point-
J-Lo has, allegedly trying to poach Kylie’s bottom make-up artist. A Minogue “insider” was recently reported as saying, “This industry’s not big enough for two bottoms of such magnitude. Kylie’s make-up girl has found the elixir of arse maintenance, and there’s no way she’ll let that awful Lopez woman near it.”
I’ve been in a wierd mood all day. The realisation that I’m three days away from being unemployed again struck me this morning and, along with some other stuff (lots of little things, which is the way it works with me) brought me down.
Hopefully I can get some writing done soon. Heavensent is on sporadic updates and I’ve had an idea for something a bit more biographical (in fact it’ll be stealing and then fictionalising some stuff I’ve blogged.)
The Friday Five never appealed to me, but this long list of questions has been doing the email rounds recently so I think I’ll share my answers-
1. What time is it? 21:44
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Ian Pattinson
3. Nickname: None that I know of
4. Parents name/s: Jen & Ron
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 33
6. Favourite food : Food
7.Date that you regularly blow them out? 11 Jan
8. Eye colour: blue
9. Hair colour: black/ dark brown
10. Piercing: no
11. Tattoos: no
12. How much do you love your job? My job loves me so much it has set me free. If I come back then it was meant to be (Hah!)
13. Favourite colour: blue
14. Hometown: Born in Bridgend, but family home is in Cumbria
15. Current residence: Victoria Park, manchester UK
17. Been to Africa? no
18. Been toilet papering? no
19. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? yes
20. Been in a car accident? yes. They weren’t all my fault.
22. Sprite or 7UP? sprite
23. Favourite movie? The Italian Job
24. Favourite holiday: Chamonix last year
25.Favourite day of the week: Saturday
26. Favourite word or phrase: Arse! (or Buttocks if I’m being polite)
28. Favourite restaurant: Haven’t gone to enough to really decide/ Yo Sushi, cause that’s where I went last.
29. Favourite flowers: Daffodils
30. Favourite drink : Alcoholic- Jennings Sneck Lifter, non Alcoholic- Fresh ground coffee
31. Favourite sport to watch: skate boarding
32. Favourite ice-cream: vanilla- with my own insane concoction of chocolatey bits and sauces slathered on the top
33. Favourite Sesame Street character: cookie monster
34. Disney or Warner Bros.? Warner Brothers
35. Favourite fast food restaurant: Lahore
36. When was your last hospital visit? I work in one, so Thursday. For real, Christmas ’99 after being hit by a car.
37. What colour is your bedroom carpet? green
38. How many times did you fail your drivers test? none
39. Who is the last person you got e-mail from before this? Feed back to my blog, the New York Times and lots of spam offering me mortgages, septic tanks and porn.
41. Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? Forbidden Planet
42. What do you do most often when you are bored? surf and blog
43. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away? My sister in Val d’Isere
44. Most annoying thing people ask me? When are you going to ask her out?
45. Bedtime? 11pm-1am
46. Who will respond the quickest? Dunno
47. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Jenny, Brian and Emma, because this is a reply to the ones they sent me.
48. Favourite all time TV show: Buffy
49. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jenny, Brian, Damian, Elke, Daz and Emily, or, if you extend it to mean any meal, my parents today.
A study in Italy has concluded that cyclists have more, and better, sex. See, there is a reason I do it, beyond an urge to scream abuse at drivers too stupid to understand lane discipline. Form an orderly queue ladies.
While cycling.visitscotland.com doesn�t overtly promote sex while cycling, it does agree that cycling makes you sexier. Improved muscle tone, particularly in the legs, buttocks and lower back, not only make the cyclist more appealing to the opposite sex but they�re also the major muscle groups used in lovemaking.
Some how, I managed not to FTP today’s pic along with all the others, so it was a little embarrassing when I pointed the previous post at it, even if only temporarily.
I’ve now been told what I was raving about on Friday night. Apparently I was obsessing about the fine buttocks of a girl I used to know who went by the name of Fraggle.
Boy, was I drunk. I mean, they were nice, but I’ve never admitted that to anyone before.
Let’s see, Page 21 of Bulletproof Poets.
And quite a large chunk of The Eliza Effect-
�We run an informal ship here. Everyone calls me George, so call me George.� Sarah nodded dumbly at the mandate. He had talked at her for twenty minutes- The Company was undergoing major changes and expansions, it was an exciting time for all involved, there were great opportunities for those ready to take the risks, the moon was made out of blue cheese, whales were marsupials and lived in trees�..
Now he was taking her Out On The Floor, to meet the people she would be working with and tech supporting. The desk separators weren�t quite high enough to make it cubeville, so the view across the open plan would have played hell with an agoraphobic. �How many of these people am I supporting?�
�Oh, just my department. Forty or so. Most of your work will come from our developer boys. In fact, we go past their office first. You�ll like them, very professional.�
George stopped by the door to a broom cupboard and pushed it open. The room was large enough for two desks and chairs, a small bookshelf, a whiteboard and a bin. At opposite sides of the room, using the chair backs as shields, were the two guys Sarah had watched leave earlier. Foam padded arrows flew back and forth. One of them bounced off the doorframe by George. He closed the door quickly.
Sarah could just control her laughter. �Professional?�
�Well�.. They always complete everything on time.� George straightened his undisturbed tie and opened the door again.
The Nerf guns had disappeared and the room�s occupants were each staring studiously at their monitors. They looked around as George entered. Sarah spotted a foam dart atop the bookshelf, snapped it up and hid it behind her back.
�Good to see you two so busy.� George tried his best sarcastic tone of voice.
�We�re just running the documenter over it.� The taller one volunteered. Then he caught sight of Sarah. His gaze lingered long enough for her to feel red.
�Of course. This is Paul� indicating the taller one, �and this is Mike. This is Sarah. She�s joining the department as dedicated tech support, particularly for you two. We’re going to give you A one top priority from here on in.�
�Oh goody.� Mike beamed, �Does that mean we’re getting a pay rise?�
There was a moment’s embarrassed silence. George had taken this suggestion badly. �Well, you�ll find we�re well behaved in this department.� Paul offered as compensation.
�No hogging bandwidth to download MP3s?�
�No. No, we would never do that.�
Sarah flashed Paul a smile, to tell him she knew he was lying. He couldn�t help but grin back.
George considered enough introductory bonding to have been done. �Good. Now, I’ve got to take Sarah to HR. I’ll see you chaps later.�
�Bye.� Sarah caught herself before she waved. She dropped the dart on the floor as she turned around.
�Bye.� Paul leaned forward in his seat a little to watch her buttocks as she walked away. He nodded appreciation. �We are downloading MP3s aren’t we?� he asked Mike.
�We were, then they beefed up the firewall.�
�How much did we get in the end?�
�Oh, only a couple of Gigs worth.�
The return of buttocks.com I tried finding buttocks in other high level domains but had no luck. It may be time for buttocks.org