Carter USM

Any Time, Any Place, Any Where

You are bidding for your own personal Jim Bob gig which will be performed in your house.

Carter USM legend, Jim Bob is on tour in May promoting his fantastic new single ‘Dumb and Dumber’. His gigs are a superb mix of Jim Bob solo stuff along with Carter USM classics. What better way to open the tour than in a fans home? Jim will perform a full solo acoustic set for you and your mates.

The tour dates are as follows:


TUES 10 MAY – BRISTOL – The Prom
26 The Promenade, Gloucester Rd, Bristol

WEDS 11 MAY – BIRMINGHAM – Carling Academy Bar
52-54 Dale End, Birmingham B4 7LS

THURS 12 MAY – LEEDS – Joseph’s Well
Chorley Lane, Leeds, LS2 9NT

FRI 13(!) MAY – GLASGOW – 13th Note Bar
50-60 King St, Glasgow.

TUE 17 MAY to THURS 19 MAY – LONDON – Water Rats Theatre
328 Grays Inn Road, Kings Cross, London WC1X 8BZ

If you make the winning bid Team Jim Bob (me, roadie and driver Mr. Spoons and Jim himself – obviously) will come around your house on Monday 9th May at a mutually agreeable time. I’m pretty sure that Mr. Bob will perform a few requests of your favourite tracks if you ask nicely. Also feel free to invite your friends around. We don’t care who comes along! (unless they are a mentalist)

We only ask that if you win that you give your home a bit of a tidy and get some tasty biscuits in. Mr. Spoons loves biscuits.

This is a 100% genuine offer.
We regret that due to touring logistics Jim Bob can only perform in England, Scotland or Wales. Bids from elsewhere will have to be rejected.
Once travel costs and expenses have been met any extra funds made with the winning bid will go to a charity of Mr. Bob’s choosing.
Payment will need to be made straight after the gig via paypal/cheque.
Any further questions please email me.

Marcus Tandy – Jim Bob’s Manager

(Carter USM, Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere By a wonderful piece of synchronicity, this song started playing as I was typing this post.)

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Photo Friday

This week’s theme is Father. I don’t have any pictures of my Dad, or anyone else’s, but I do (sort of) have one of Alan Turing father of computing.

More tenuously, I also have Jim Bob, formerly of Carter USM, when he played an acoustic gig in Manchester. Prior to that I had seen him on the Who’s The Daddy Now? tour.

And, finally, Father Christmas.

Police Girl

It’s finally happened. The Police are getting younger, getting younger every day.

I went and wandered around the Garden of Delights show in Platt fields this afternoon. If you’re in Manchester I strongly recommend you go and have a look- it’s on tomorrow as well. The photos I’ve put in the gallery show maybe a quarter of what’s there.

Anyway, as I was on my way out I noticed a bunch of people in uniforms. One Police man, one St. John’s Ambulance guy and two girls, who looked 14 and 16. “oh, they’re with the St. John’s” I thought. Then I got a closer look and, no, they’re wearing Police uniforms. Maybe it was take your daughter to work day. Or I really am getting old.

(Carter USM- Glam Rock Cops)

I want my MP3!

I have a terrible confession to make. I never used Napster back when it was, well, Napster. By the time I got around to using work’s bandwidth for file sharing, the original was mired in lawsuits and I opted for ‘new Napster’ Scour.

So, corporate Napster launched yesterday. I won’t be using it. Or iTunes for that matter.

If I want music from one of the ‘big five’ I’ll seek out second hand cds or bargain basement prices in the HMV/ Virgin sales. Indie cds can be bought on my rare trips into Piccadilly Records. Online there are far better places to get music, which won’t be tied to the downloading PC- Spinach Records, run by Fruitbat of Carter USM, financed their early releases on a ‘shareware’ scheme- download a few tracks from the album then pay half the price of the final cd, with the first hundred or so people to lay down money getting special bonuses; betterpropaganda offers free sample songs; MPeria utilises BitPass for ultra cheap songs (particularly whilst the dollar is so low); I haven’t used much, but it offers free downloads as well; Hippocamp (who have just gone over to ogg files) is just down the road from me, as are Ishta (Hippocamp is absolutely free. If I could, I’d PayPal them a few quid.) And there’s a bundle of bands out there giving away tracks to get people hooked. Give them a try.

(Edit: I won’t use iTunes the store, but I will sing the praise of iTunes the music player. I’m currently working my way through a smart playlist of all the songs with a 0 play count, so I can get to listen to everything. Only 7 days of music to go!)

Disneyland, Narnia, Former Yugoslavia

Hmmm. Eurovision. We should have blogged it live from Sabs and Griff’s house, because some of the acts were so bland I can’t remember a thing about them now. It would have been hard to match Terry’s sarcasm, mind. What I can remember-

Sweden’s song seemed to be the first EV entry ever about anal sex and a lack of KY (Chorus- “Hurts, oh it hurts, really hurts, In the middle of the night, In the light of the day, You know that it hurts, oh it hurts, really hurts“)

Turkey– a ska song about the effects of a dodgy kebab (“Up I wanna bring you up, Up I wanna bring you up, Do you want do you want”) I think there could be a market for Turkish Ska, I really do.

Ukraine– the winner, wearing just enough leather and dubbed Xena by Tel. The dubbing department suffered more than normally trying to keep up with the lyrics, and they eweren’t helped by her singing something different each time. (“Just maybe I�m crazy, The world spins round and round and round, shi-di-ri-di-duy, shi-di-ri-di-da-na, shi-di-ri-di-duy, shi-di-ri-di-da-na”)

(Carter USM- The Music That Nobody Likes)

'Goodnight Jim Bob – On The Road With Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine'

Lifted straight from the e-mail, because I’m lazy-

Jim Bob’s Carter on the road autobiography is published by CHERRY RED BOOKS on May 10

Pr-order your signed copy from from MAY 1st at

Read a sample chapter here:

One of the following does not feature in JIM BOB’s autobiography of his ten years of touring with the greatest agit-disco-punk-pop-rock-guitar-synth-and-drum-machine-band the world has ever known:

1. Fruitbat rugby tackling a children’s’ TV presenter live on telly.

2. Jim Bob being accused of murder by the police at JFK Airport

3. A Czechoslovakian fairy tale about a pair of magic underpants.

4. Stealing Swiss chocolate bars from Pavarotti’s mini bar.

5. A brief and accurate history of The Corby Trouser Press.

6. Jim Bob’s night of dirty love with footballer David Beckham.

“Jim captures the very essence of life on and off the road for the 90s’ least likely pop stars. Like you, I was there and this book takes me right back. A good dash of Hammer Of The Gods, a healthy glug of Ian Hunter’s Diary Of A Rock’n’Roll Star and absolutely no trace of Sting’s Broken Music, this book will mean a lot to anyone who fought the indie rock wars.” Andrew Collins

Jim Bob Book Reading And Song Singing Tour Dates May 2004


8 Berlin Magnet .12 Bristol The Prom 13 Cambridge Man On The Moon 14 Southampton Joiners Arms 15 Reading 21 South Street .16 Hastings The Brass Monkey 19 Exeter Cavern 20 Leeds Joseph’s Well 21 Glasgow 13th Note Caf� . 22 Aberdeen Dr Drakes 25 Liverpool Carling Academy 26 Birmingham Bar Academy 27 London Islington Academy

But my heart belongs to Daphne

Every year people donate their cadavers to universities for medical research. So many that sometimes there is an excess. One university paid a third party to distribute their extra bodies, and later found out they were being blown up in tests of combat wear.

Give my body to medical science

if medical science will have me

They can take my lungs and kidneys

but my heart belongs to Daphne.

Carter USM- My Second To Last Will And Testament

Music to get laid to

Title and idea lifted from a conversation last Friday.

I’m in a list making mood again, and with the concept of Music To Get Laid To rattling around inside my head it’s time to go through the songs that are sexiest, most romantic or have the most horny memories attached. Plus, of course, it gives me the chance to do some referal pimping.

Slow Song (live version) by Joe Jackson. A song all about the joy of listening to romantic songs and why the DJ should play at least one snogging slowdance number in their set. It’s also over eight minutes long, so I’d only have to put it on repeat four or five times.

38 Line Poem by The Wonderstuff. I only got to see the ‘stuffies live once, at Preston Guild Hall. It was the night before I lost my virginity and they played an early version of this song. So obviously it’s tied to a special moment, but it’s also a fine song, all about knowing there are people you can rely on out there.

After the Watershed (Early Learning the Hard Way) by Carter USM. Not what you’d consider a sexy song really, given the subject matter. But I pulled to it once so it has a special place in my groin heart.

Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah. Nothing else to say really, just a lovely song even if the last verse is all about losing her. (Where does a blue eyed boy go to find himself a brown eyed girl?)

There She Goes by The La’s. It may be all about drugs, but it’s still sexy if you don’t think too hard about the lyrics.

Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. Just the right side of too sweet. Their version of the previous song’s not bad either.

The whole of Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. I still only have this on tape, but on repeat on cd this would be the soundtrack to a long lazy naked Sunday in bed with your lover.

I’m sure there are more, and I’ll add them to the comments as I think of them, but now it’s time for you to nominate your bedroom ballads and sexy singalongs.


Pictures galore. Above, you can photograph sparklers with a phone cam. And they come out quite well with Night Mode’s longer exposure too. Almost as well as the digicam can do fireworks if you let it get up to speed.

I’ve been adding stuff to the September, October and November galleries.

On Tuesday night I went to see Jim Bob, formerly of Carter USM, at Night & Day. He was doing an acoustic busking session which turned out Carter faves. I have a few photos of him in the Other Photos gallery and (and I don’t know if this will work) a short video of him doing The Impossible Dream. (Edit. It’s an AVI, I’ve found I can right click and Save As, but IE doesn’t know how to play it.) (Edit 2 This post is now my belated entry for Photo Friday. The theme is Night.)