How to collect elephant semen without the risk of putting your eye out.
I will not be making anything from this recipe book. The rest of casa Spinneyhead can rest easy.
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!
I guess you can be allergic to anything. Semen allergy is a very rare condition (thankfully, or we wouldn’t all be here) that can be treated through careful application of semen in controlled amounts, and lots of sex.
I’ve started using Amazon’s beta Self Optimising Links to bring up relevant products in the banner and sidebar. So far so good. The post about Slayer Day brings up a list of Slayer albums and yesterday’s post about semen making you happy has some very interesting results. Including the simply titled The Semen Book.
Did you know that human sperm is ejaculated at a speed of 17 km/h.? Or that ejaculate is pushed out in 0,8 second intervals? Or that the male orgasm, which usually lasts between 3 and 10 seconds, only in exceptional cases lasts longer than 15 seconds? Or that it is accompanied by an increase in heart frequency to 180 beats per minute, and that breathing can accelerate to 40 breaths per minute? Just about any question about semen, fertility, male sexual potency, and sexual physiology, is answered by Vivien Marx in this lively, informed and entertainingly written book. It is a book for men. It is a book for women. It is a reference book, a textbook, and a good read. If you ever wondered what the purpose of orgasm is, what determines the smell and colour of semen, wondered about delayed ejaculations – retrograde ejaculations, how best to look after testicles, how smoking, alcohol, drugs, stress and lifestyle affect potency and fertility, how environmental influences fertility, (are British men an endangered species?), about semen and disease – the unloved companions of the sperm cells, semen and criminology, the history of semen science, how semen is tested – you will find the answers to these and hundreds of other questions here. Of potential interest to everyone who walks into a bookshop. Meticulously researched and written in an entertaining and informative style. Sure to attract media attention. Timely book for the sexual health market.
I wonder what the Perfect Sex Toy post will bring up?
A study has shown that women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations.
“I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms,” says Gordon Gallup, the psychologist at the State University of New York who led the team. “Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen.”
For those few of you who can still get Spinneyhead at work- do not click on the links in this post.
You have been warned.
Operatives of the Priory of Semen, including penile profiler Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm. Determined to resurrect Da Vinci and overjoyed that the master’s sperm was not all “lost up a man’s ass”, they steal the painting and kill anyone who gets in their way.
This is already so much more believable than that whole Virgin Mary thing.
Having forced myself to read the book, I can’t think of anything better that could be done with it.
Many years of web browsing have lead to me becoming rather jaded. It seems to be hard to find sites and stories that appeal to my increasingly vulgar sense of humor. However the tale of William Shatner in a semen-related lawsuit shows that the world will always descend to (and below) my level.