Jedi would have been so much better if they’d replaced the Ewoks with chipmunks

Let’s Be Friends, originally uploaded by powerpig.

Chris McVeigh has befriended the chipmunks at his parents’ house and managed to get them so comfortable with his presence that he can pose them with Star Wars figures.

He has other pictures on Flickr.

US Republicans want to teabag the White House!!??

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And they’ll probably find some sort of Goatse imgery when demanding openness in law making.

I’ll assume my audience is as perversion literate as Jon Stewart’s. (If you don’t know what any of these things are I highly recommend remaining innocent of them. Really.)

The Legend of the Mall Ninja

This is the internet’s must have link today. So far I’ve seen it on BoingBoing and William Gibson’s blog. From there it’ll go everywhere. Like here, for instance.

The legend of the Mall Ninja- ninjitsu trained, heavily armed, long gun owning, former special ops assassins keeping America’s shopping malls, and the anal virginiy of the young boys who frequent them, safe.

But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot, the target practice with my dearest comrades and friends, the members of my teams, and our live fire exercises-Can I leave it all behind? should I?

Or is my life better spent as the silent, alert, stalwart, invisible guardian of the free mall.

I cannot tell.

The scary thing is, before they descend into name calling and extreme delusion the ramblings of Gecko45 and SPECOPS sound uncannily like the editorial line of the imported gun magazines I used to read.

A rumble from the past

As it’s relevant again, I repeat this important announcement from 2002-

Manchester Earthquake Appeal

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering “Fookin’ shaking, yow,” “Fook” and “Someone just twocked me ‘ouse”. The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £10 worth of damage. Subsequent to the seismic activity, some fireworks missed their intended human targets, causing damage to nearby historic and scientifically significant litter. It is estimated that, during the confusion, over £5 million worth of robbery-time was lost, damaging the Mancunian economy.

Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Manchester. One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17-year-old mother-of-three said, “It felt just like when that fookin’ Magic bus hit t’fookin’ ‘ouse. Little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom shouting “fook”. My youngest two, Liam-Noel and Kevin slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning.”

Apparently, though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Red Stripe to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including fireworks, burberry caps, benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.


This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: –

Adidas Tracksuit bottoms
White Socks
Shell Suits

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: –

Red Stripe

Mancunians have insisted to avoid problems “wit’ the fookin’ rozzers” they don’t need any more handouts but just wish to be able to “help themselves” in this difficult time, more than the just dole money they already claim (for five different people).

£10 can provide a hammer, which can be used to ‘twock’ grannies and back up shoplifting exploits, providing enough money to support a family of Scallys on McDonalds for the forseeable future.

£5 will provide a Mancunian with essential “E’s and Scag”.

22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.

If you can afford it, £120 buys a new pair of Nike Airs, justifying one Scally’s decision to tuck their tracksuit bottoms into their socks, and helping said individual avoid being caught while nicking said trainers from JD Sports.

Please do not send money directly to Mancunians, as there is a good chance they’ll come looking for you, realising in their primitive way, that where there is money to give away, there is great potential for robbery.

Please give generously.

Sammy Boyo esq

On behalf of the Manchester Earthquake Appeal Fund